Mumsnet is breaking my heart.

[chiaroscuro]

I see threads and think.. oh I went through that/that happened to me, perhaps I can help or get some insight and then the responses to the OP are that it is bullying, abuse on some level,

I am distraught and don't know whether to deregister , blank off certain subjects or what.
I am going to go for aw alk but what do I do?

Am I making myself more and more of a victim by seeing these things or do I have to let them all bubble to the surface and face tha fact that such a huge fucking chunk of my life was just a screwed up mess, as I am.

I am in counselling and on AD's. If you know who I am please please don't give me away as I am not sure that someone from RL reads my posts.

I've had enough, I really have. I just want some normality....

I also know where you are coming from with this OP. But you are very, very early days yet.

I am three and a half years down the line from you, and am finally getting a grip! Might even have to name-change soon!

You have to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as though you are recovering from a severe illness. Your new neurones need time to grow. All those pathways in your head that lead to places that you have now left behind have to wither and die.

If your ex m akes you feel bad, then reduce contact. If some threads make you feel bad, then don't read them.

It's all about you now, and your children of course.

You are a strong woman, and all this shall pass.

xxx

I am going to ask to join the Stately homes thread.. despite the counselling, which is weekly, I am struggling.

But thank you. I will let this thread go now. It has given me a direction for the time being xx

allgonebellyup... I hope things continue to be good for you x

chiaro...you don't need to ask to join that thread

they are very welcoming, and totally non-judgemental

I just lurk on there (not ready to post yet) but it is marvellous

Cor, AF, you're a visitor? There's a very comfy (carved & gilded, natch) armchair waiting for you :)

Chiaroscuro's got the one next to you ... I keep wanting to tell you, OP, chiascuro's my favourite word ever

even though I can't spell it

grace, I am

having a bit of a rough week this week, so not able to post over there

I fear the sympathy and support might just cause my hard shell of "I don't care" to disintegrate in a most devastating fashion

even lurking helps though

sorry for hijack, chiaro x

Hey AF

No need to apologise, you have been such a support through my MN journey so far.. and I think where stuff like this is concerned we reach out when and where we can...

I think I understand AF, I did 'I don't care' and it cracked, when my abusive marriage broke down and suddenly the whole turtle shell has shattered and I am scared and vulnerable and don't even know which pieces to pick up, let alone start to stick it all back together. The bits I want, replace the bits I don't with something new.

And I am so sorry you are having a rough week x

I love the word, the paintings and what it symbolises Grace..

thanks, chiaroscuro, that means a lot bearing in mind your own "rough time"

AF - just goes to show you never really know what is going on with anyone unless they want you to know.

I used to post on that thread but it is a pretty fast moving one at times and the posts tend to be really big and it just got impossible to remember who was who and who had what issues.

Hi chiarossco,

I feel for you I really do. When you had a terrible time growing up eg dads negativity and you now feel your husband has turned into similar bloke. You are finding it hard to know who to trust or believe anymore but their are good people out their there not all like your bullying dad! Make sure you don't give up on hope. Your husband can't be helping by making u feel guitly with mind games but u will get through this.