What is a crush - and should they make you feel totally sad?

[arabella2]

Is it just a projection of our fantasies and wishes on to someone we don't know very well, could it be that on some level we feel connected to someone, or then again is it that we just really fancy them but can't admit this to ourselves.
I ask because have had long crush on teacher at dcs school. Have seen him very little this year as my youngest daughter is no longer in nursery where he teaches. Occasionally catch glimpses of him but no longer have any reason to talk to him. Today he was in my daughter's reception class at pick up time and I have to confess to feeling tearful about it several times since seeing him. His presence every day in nursery was comforting and also made life much more interesting. Feel even sadder when I think that I may never ever have any reason to talk to him again.
Anyone else ever felt like this about a crush?

I really do believe that there are two types of people in the world, those that are able to see see that unknown connection between two people, who can be complete strangers (even if it is one sided), but there is always that attraction there, and those that develop feelings for people over time. It is very possible fore these instant attractions to work out, but hard.

Sure, there will be people who will come on here and say that Love is just a chemical reaction in the brain and you will get over them in time. Those would be the people that don't believe this.

It is very possbile to feel sad over an unrequited love or a "what if" for someone who doesn't know you and I do feel for what you are going through. I have not seen this described better than in this George Clooney clip from Out of Sight-MMMm George Clooney (goes misty eyed for a moment).

I wish you good luck.

Thanks Angree - no one has ever given me a youtube link to watch so thanks for that too! George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez look very similar in the clip. I think Robert Redford also describes the same thing in that movie he is in with Demi Moore where she is the stranger who smiles at him from afar and instead of letting her "get away" as it were, he pursues her based on how that smile made him feel...

The clip also had the benefit of making me feel quite cheesy about my crush because not sure I want to share bourbon with him and meet in a hotel room afterwards.... He is a nice presence though and I am sorry I cannot be friends with him as I am oddly happy when he is around. Maybe he is one of these empathetic people that a lot of people feel like this about. The kids in nursery certainly love him.

And I do miss seeing him every day.

Loved the youtube clip.

Going through a similar thing at the moment.

arabella2 has a point about empathetic people especially when its male/female connections. You are never quite sure whether OP fancies you or just wants to be friends.

Have had this situation twice in a bad way before my current cruch. Both times decided to make OP aware of my feelings and also ended up making fool of myself both times .

Was convinced in my mind somehow that they were both my soul-mates at the time.

Current crush is someone I have known for about 7 years and have got on very well with but up until last year, when he got divorced, put all thoughts/fantasies of anything to the back of my mind.

Now can't stop thinking about him and trying to resist going down same route as before.

Meeting him for drink next week - very confused as can't tell whether he likes me as friend or something more .

btw have felt sad and even cried over crushes. I think it's probably down to frustration because the OP has no idea of what is going on in your head - all sounds really silly when you put it into words. So I do feel for you.

I'm sure you didn't make a fool of yourself sexy2shoes - they were probably flattered but just didn't return your feelings in the same way.
I think it is easy to convince yourself that someone likes you just because you SO want them to. So the same smile from someone else would mean little, but if it is they who are doing the smiling, it suddenly means everything !
Hope your current crush goes as you would like it to.... meeting for a drink is surely good??? I would just go and appraise the situation without saying anything. Also just have fun as friendship good too?
Laughed when you said you were convinced both crushes were soul-mates - it's easy to do that especially when you don't know someone very well and you can basically project your own feelings on to them.
Yes, I have cried over current crush too . Only about 3 times in as many years but still. Wonder what that's about - frustration as you say... or just wanting their company but not being able to go down that road because a)they are married and it is not appropriate as you're not sure what your underlying motives are b)they aren't in any of your "circles" and there is no reason to seek them out without coming across as a needy loon!

Yes thank you, I intend to keep everything on a friendly basis and see how it goes - don't want to scare him off!!

If it doesn't go my way however, he would make a good friend also and you can't have too many of those can you?

In respect of my (ex potential)soul-mates when the mist cleared so to speak and started thinking clearly I wondered what the hell I was thinking of. As you say, you can project your own feelings onto them and see them as you would like them to be and not as they really are.

Angree, I'm a bit confused by your post, this bit:

I really do believe that there are two types of people in the world, those that are able to see see that unknown connection between two people, who can be complete strangers (even if it is one sided), but there is always that attraction there, and those that develop feelings for people over time. It is very possible fore these instant attractions to work out, but hard.

Surely if there is a "connection" there then it would all work out easily as it is a kind of meant-to-be thing. Otherwise I don't really understand what you are saying about the connection how is it different from an attraction to begin with?

I don't think love is as simple as a chemical reaction but I do think it's something that comes when you really know a person - otherwise you're not really in love with that person, but an illusion of them.

Good point made (twice) above - people who are generally attractive, in looks or in character, tend to have this effect on all osrts of acquaintances. Unlike what happens in films and fiction, they are surrounded by people feeling a 'connection' with them and, of course, they're not feeling it back all the time. I think it's nice to have a special liking for someone - as you say, it brightens your day - and you do miss them when they're no longer around. It seems trite to suggest you simply feel pleased to have had this special person in your life for a while but, really, that is the only healthy way to take it.

If knowing this person has reavealed a yawning hole in your life - you need to examine the hole. I'm sorry none of this helps your present sadness. Of course your feelings are valid - all feelings are - but they rarely require specific action. Hopefully, you'll be able to reframe them in a more helpful light. Meanwhile, nurture yourself. Good luck :)

Yes, I agree BertieBotts, that real love is to do with loving the whole person, rose tinted specs off. However, it helps if they say and do nice things and make you feel special (just saying this because my dh and I are at some sort of crossroads where neither one of us is acknowledging how little we are actually relating to each other in any way).
Thanks ItsGraceAgain for your kind post - especially "It seems trite to suggest you simply feel pleased to have had this special person in your life for a while but, really, that is the only healthy way to take it." is very helpful so thank you for that too :).