When to introduce kids to new partner

[hoxtonbabe]

Hi,

Just wondered what was considered a reasonable time to inroduce your kids to a new partner?

Long story short, I have been dating a guy for about 2.5 months, I introduced him to my gang about 3 weeks ago mainly because if I didnt we would never see each other due to my total lack of childcare, he has 2 daughters and he did say a couple of weeks back that he would do the intro thing sometime this month, now dont get me wrong I am not putting any pressure on him to do this as I am quite nervous about it all, but from a conversation we had last nite it would appear that he going to drag his feet on this now, but unsure if he is going this becasue of his daughters and making sure I am "right" or the ex!

Whilst I am not on his case about it just yet, I think I would start to wonder if nothing was done by Feb

I think you have introduced them too soon tbh. I do not intend to introduce mine to my new man until at least 6 months in, or when I know we are definately serious and have a future together. I don't think he's dragging his feet at all, I think he's being sensible. I don't have the most reliable childcare either, but my man has been over several times when the children are safely in bed and pretty much guaranteed not to wake up. All I tell my dd who is 6 is that my friend is coming over to watch a movie so she's not surprised that someone is there should she wake up.

I met my partner's daughter after 8 months, I think it's sensible to wait until you are both sure it is going somewhere. Although I found it hard I appreciate that he is a good dad and needed to put his child's feelings first.

6 months at least I think.

ideally I would have waited months and we were doing the come over when kids asleep thing, but they don't go off till 9.30pm and the little one tends to wake up when he knows i am not in the room (he has a cot in room with me and with a 10 year gap between him and his brother the sharing the room thing is being approached gently,lol) so ended up not spending any time with him as he was stuck in living room alone whilst I tended to my son,lol. I really have no childcare, not even rubbish childcare and sometimes people find it hard to believe that I dont have anything, but it is true, since dad did a runner in june every waking moment has been spent with the kids...which is actually driving me batty

I can understand him putting girls needs first and thats the right thing to do and i would not think much of him if he did put me first.

Ok, I really didnt have much choice to introduce him to mine, but maybe I will ease off him and the girls :-)

thanks folks

We waited six months before introducing now DH to my three.

Couple of reasons

1. the relationship was about us. Not about him being a step parent in the early days.

2. I didnt want them thinking "pah, no point listening to you, you might not be here next week / who do you think you are" type stuff.

Seems to work for us. Been together for 8 years now, married for 2.

oh and he didnt have DCs so no vice versa.

If you've only been on your own since June then tbh I really think you need to slow things right down. Are you even ready for a relationship so soon? How did your dc react when they were introduced? The relatively short time between their dad buggering off and being introduced to a new man will make this all the harder for them sadly

hmmm I would be very pissed off that he thinks its ok to meet yours but not vice versa. Regardless of how long you wait, you have begun on an unfair footing.

I wouldn't say unfair. Op accepted and was willing to start the relationship with her kids involved from the off.

He isn't so it's not about fair, it's what the respective people feel is right for their children.

Op was ok with jumping in with her children due to circumstance, he is not in that situation as exercising his own discretion as a parent of his DD.

Not all men are assholes like the ops ex, he is being considerate I'd say, he may even be planning on being a grown up and talking to the mother as well before he introduces anyone to their children.

Is this the same guy you wrote about 2 weeks ago? Where the thread ended with you saying you were going to call it a day?

You need to slow it all WAY down.

You shouldn't be introducing your DC to him. Full stop.

You need to really work out who you are and learn to love yourself. You told us about your Ex who buggered off and only told you after he left the country. You need to work out why you are going for emotionally unavailable men.

You certainly should NOT be introducing them to your DC. Their sleeping times are more important than your sex life. Get a sitter and see him somewhere else. No overnights. Your DC need you, they are still little.

Maybe this bloke is a good one, may be not, but you are never going to be able to tell in 10 weeks. But if you don't put those DC first and demand respect for them, who else will?

i think the OP was asking for advice RE the man not introducing her to his kids yet - not asking to be judged on how quickly or slowly she introduced him to her own kids.

Some of you are way too harsh. Give her a break!

Crikey Ease up a bit!
Its up to the OP how soon she enters a new relationship!
I had the same problem re childcare and had to introduce my new man to dc long before I would have ideally wanted.
I didn't make a big thing of it, just said I had a friend coming round and they were fine. Now they know who he is they are happy with things.
However, I think it was different for him as he only has his dc every other weekend and he was very wary that his horrible bitch ex wife would have kicked off if he introduced me too soon.