Talking chemistry.....does this happen often?

[fizzfiend]

Just responding to a "should I start a relationship with a guy when theres no spark".

I think no. But on the other hand, how many men give that spark....not many in my experience.

So when you get that electric shock...should you grab it with both hands whatever (ie he's a commitment-phobe/sloppy dresser/social pariah/etc) or is this the be all and end all?

I have to say, after a bland marriage of 10 years without any spark, I am appreciating sparkiness.

Would love opinions. I think I've only ever had that crazy electric stuff maybe 3 times in my life. Is that what it's all about...debate :-)

Interesting.

I have only had the electric shock/unable to breathe thing with a couple of people.

first one was when we were teenagers and he then got his first girlfriend, whom he is still with 22 years later so thatw as never going to work...(I think it was only a one way thing iyswim!)

second one I met 12 years later, he was commitment phobic and still is, but I still love him desperately and it's another 10 years down the line.

No idea what that's about.
I don't think I have any choice though tbh! There were other people I 'could have been with', but no one else I 'couldn't be without', iyswim.

But I'm commitment phobic too and have never been married, and I don't think it would suit me.

Well I get those feelings with pretty much every crush i ever get, and they still happen, even though I've been married for 9 years!

The crush is chemical though... it usually dissapates when you discover that they're a commitment-phobe/sloppy dresser/social pariah or whatever...! Then the 'sparks' will stop.

If they are the right person though I think it can start as something else though - respect, affection, admiration - and then turn into real attraction, so i do think chemistry can develop.

Fizz, are you still married and suggesting an affair here?

The "unable to breathe" thing has happened to me I think twice in my life. Both times hopeless situations. One a real childhood crush on someone older, that lasted into my teens and still has vestiges if I happen to bump into him. Second time with someone living far away when I had just begun another serious relationship. I have never even kissed either of these people, and I wonder if I could have developed such "sparky" feelings for other people (DP perhaps) if he had been less available for want of a better word :o

I worry about the future - what if I meet someone who I get this feeling with, and he is available? But then I think - it's happened twice in 20 years, not really worth worrying about/betting on.

Plus just saying - the chemistry that I had with these people might still be there, but they have far from lived up to my original "ideal" views of them. One put on about 7 stone and stopped washing at some point, the other abandoned his lovely "caring" job and went back to being a drunken student (seriously think he might be an alcoholic looking for a lifestyle to suit). So I doubt being with either would have made me particularly happy long term.

It happened with my me and my husband and is still the same 8 years on. I get butterflies when he rings me from work and when he walks in through the door. No I wouldnt have gone out with him though if he wasnt exactly suited to me to me or any of the things you have written op. Wait out there will be someone you feel like this with who is just right to you out there

Oh god im experiencing this now- I love it and hate it! I feel butterflies when I see him/texts/phone calls etc. If I kiss him I completely melt and want him so so badly!! It makes me feel so up and down and vulnerable and yet at the same time so alive and excited!! I hope to god its the same for him! Ive had this once before (not with my ex DH he was more of a friend) with a lad I went to school with and it was on off from the ages of 14 to 25!! Still feel it when I see him now! Strange!