want to leave - need some advice

[sickandtired]

I want to leave dp, we don't like each other and the relationship is crap. quite frankly would never have still been with him if I didn't have our ds's. He was definatly a bad rebound mistake.

I want to know if I can get a house through the council or what ever its called (housing ass?) even though I have a mortgage with him. We have spoken about splitting up forever, and he won't move. I won't leave my ds's and I need some where to go, I have no family near by.

Don't leave the house and don't leave your children. It isn't necessarily his choice if you have a joint mortgage, it depends on what a court awards each of you in a divorce (if you're married). You need to see a solictor really. Sorry you're going through this.

I just can't live in this atmosphere anymore. I have really had enough. If I had somewhere to go it would be better! I really want to know if I can get on any lists. And yes, the mortgage is joint

didn't mean to sound so curt

I left my dh and took our three children with me as he refused to move out of the house. If a house is in joint names you can't force them to move out.

I had to rent privately, but the problem is that you are still liable for half the mortgage. I anticipated that once I left the divorce proceedings would take 6 months, I left in August 2002 and the divorce came thru in October 2003 due to the b£$%D deliberatley dragging his feet!! I couldn't get a council house, I was very low priority, even when the lease was up on the house that I was renting. I ended up in an awful lot of debt thru having to pay rent and half a mortgage.

Sorry, just seen that he is your dp not your dh so you don't have divorce proceedings to bother about.

Have you seen a solicitor? Most of them do a free first appointment and they would be able to give you advice about what you can do about putting the house up for sale.

Message withdrawn

know me in RL - don't think so, I don't know anyone on here in rl (I hope!). I am a regular poster though.

He won't let me stay here.

So I guess I just keep treading water in this crap relationship until the kids are 18!!

We paid the mortgage straight down the line until I had first ds (just over two years ago) since then I have only worked p/t. I know I won't get sod all, well, not half anyway. But I have no way of renting anywhere either

I'm sorry you're feeling so crap about things Would counselling be an option for you and dp?

'fraid not - way past that now

Feel very sad for ds's though

maybe I will try to talk to him later about get the house valued and releasing half the equity to me? He earns over 50k so its not like he is skint!

Good luck, hope you manage to sort out a solution for you all

Message withdrawn

thanks rickman - I may not be entitled to half as we are not married. He already got "stung" like that with his ew and my sd's - so he's been quite a clever clogs this time!

More and more couples now live together without getting married, but no matter how long the relationship the law still effectively treats them as separate individuals with no rights or liabilities to each other if the relationship ends.

This has some far reaching consequences for such couples (of whatever sex or combination of sexes), particularly in relation to their home (most people's biggest asset), and what should happen if either party were to die. The majority of couples fail to consider these points until after the relationship has ended.

Unlike married couples, unmarried couples have no basic rights to their partner's property or to maintenance if they split up. Basically what is his is his, what is hers is hers, and what is jointly-owned needs to be divided.

This applies to the home as well. Therefore if a house is bought in joint names (either as beneficial joint tenants, or as tenants-in-common - click here for more info on these terms) then it should be split accordingly on separation, and either party can force a sale of the property to realise their share. If the parties are contributing unequally to the purchase price, or to the maintenance of the property, then this should be reflected by being designated as tenants-in-common and holding unequal shareholdings (say 70% and 30%), rather than the equal shareholdings of beneficial joint tenants.

It goes without saying therefore that you need legal advice as soon as possible.

Dont knwo your full circumstances so can only advise on what i know,it seems as though the house will be sold eventually but the question you are asking is how to get away in the meantime?
Not sure if you are working,if not and you go onto benefits as a single parent you become legible to rent rebate,so even if you are in a private let the dss will cover a large part if not all of the let money,once you get a council house they will cover your rent.Obviously this is only relevant if you are not working and are on benefits.
I think you need to speak to a solicitor about hwere you stand regards the house/mortgage etc,also work a chat too would be your local council or housing association to find out how you would be placed regards rehousing,also speak to a lone parent advisor,these can be found in job centres,they can advise on everything conected to becoming a lone parent.Forearmed is fore warned they say,no one should be forced to live in a dreadful relationship just cause they cant afford anywhere else to go,there will always be a way out somehow.

Well, had the talk and agreed in principle to split equity. Now I feel even more confused as I feel so bad for the boys.

Does anyone know how shared ownership works? How much do you have to put in? Are there waiting lists?