Dh looking at porn on PC

[curtains]

By porn I mean naked gorgeous youngish woman, looking all seductive. Found out by accident looking for something in history part of PC. Trouble is I'm a complete mess these days, 2 stones overweight and boobs wrecked by too much breastfeeding. Also always look stressed and haggard. Don't blame him for looking at other women online. Also I've got spots and specs. Attractive or what!

Please someone give me a kick up the a**e and tell me to lose weight and make an effort, feel all my confidence went when I stayed at home with the kids and piled on the weight.

Don't take any notice of the porn, all men do that to some extent. It sounds like you need more time to yourself.

Hi curtains,

Don't worry too much about this. I think possibly all men do so to a certain extent - I know my hubby does. It doesn't mean he loves you any less.

Looking stressed and haggard and being overweight is something I can relate to as well. In fact the only time I look "normalish" is when I go to work (15 hours a week).

You don't need a kick up the proverbial - just a bit more time for you to do something for yourself.

Get some net nanny software that blocks access to porn sites.

I'm not normally bothered by porn but I saw some ahem rather , lets just say to much on these picutes with ahem mechanical stuff(not small stuff either) and it bothered me - told DH and he shrugged.

does ur DH know how u feel?

Agree with the others you need some me time, in your list of priorities where do you come ? truly ?

Have you spoken to DH about it ?

Make sure you've got very good security on your PC. Looking at porn on the net is a surefire way to be plagued by all sorts of PC nasties like viruses, spyware, identity thieves, etc.

All men look at porn, on internet or wherever else! It is natural.
As for your feelings about yourself - I understand. Book yourself an appointment for a facial, manicure or something else you fancy - will do you a world of good!
This is what I did!

you only have to do a search on her for 'brad pitt' to know that its not only men who like looking. ok brads not normally naked but thats not cos we dont want him to be! it doesnt mean we love our other halves any less. i really wouldnt worry

Mmmmm, did mention it and he laughed! I know men just like to look, it wasn't anything sinister.

Main trouble is how I feel about ME. I hate how I look, I'm the fattest I've ever ever been but just keep stuffing myself. Would love to join a gym but can't afford it, no-one to go with etc etc. Just excuses.Sick of myself actually.

Don't be hard on yourself !!! I found my DH doing that once and went mad at him and he just laughed. Talk to him again and tell him to fork out for you to pamper yourself and feel good about yourself and maybe he won;t want to look again and this nasty stuff !!!! Show him you are a strong person and are determined to get fit !!! Good Luck

I've changed my name for this as my dh also lurks on MN.
I found out that he had been looking at these sites in the same way - stumbled across them as past searches when using the yahoo search thing. I asked him about them and he said he was glad I had found them because he felt bad about looking at them and he felt that me knowing about it would stop him. I just thought, oh fair enough. He's a normal bloke after all then. and left it at that.
A few months later, he told me that he had started looking at them again. When he said this I didn't know what to say and just thanked him for telling me. A day later (our anniversary, sadly) I realised that was feeling really upsett by it and that I felt really unattractive and not able to live up to his new fantasies. He was sorry and has promised not tpo look at them again. I was also cross becaue he had been looking at them on the pc we use for the kids and all it would take is for the kids to hit a few buttons and they would be able to see what he had been looking at. He took this on board and has given me permission to ask him about it regularly - kind of accountablity.
I know that it is a normal thing for men to want to do and I know it must sound a bit weird with him being so strict on himself and me feeling as I did. - we are Christians and try to keep our minds as pure as we can as part oif our walk with God.
It affected our sex life for about a month - until I was able to not be thinking about those women when he touched me, but things are pretty good now and we are very close.
Having rambled on this long, I've forgotten what my point was (still nappy brain!). But I guess. I was trying to say, don't want to loose weight and be more glamourous to be more like those women - they aren't what real womanhood is about, you are. They are airbrushed, trimmed and tweeked and all kinds of things and I bet not one of them is as beautiful a person as you. He needs to thing on, not you.

put parental controls on thats what i did

Forgot to mention that from the feeling sexy point of view. I am very, very overweight. Spotty, saggy, specky, and everything else on a permenant basis. Until this happened, I always felt mh dh thought of me as very sexy. I think he does still but I made me wonder for a while.

Message withdrawn

who? me?

what does your dh look like curtains? not brad pitt i imagine. you have no need to feel inadequate or that you have to live up to what porn women look like. in fact i've found that if you do want to lose a bit of weight / "improve" appearance in whatever way, it's easier if you feel good about yourself / forgive yourself to start with, and don't view changing as essential, because then you just feel a failure for not being "perfect"

forgive all the quotes but as someone latin and profound once said to me (in spanish) "ninguna es feo" - no one is ugly. you don't need to be down on yourself!

MY DP has looked at porn on the internet before, (although he stopped when I found out, as he said it took the fun out of it!!!!) but tbh I wasn't particularly bothered. Men are simple creatures, and they look at porn.

I don't mind dh looking at porn.

I would mind him seeing other women in Real Life, but I don't think one leads to the other anyway.

TBH I think men browsing porn sites (or magazines) isn't that much different to us browsing shopping sites or mail order catalogues. We see things we'd like, but we know that they're not really like that when you get your hands on the item in question.

Thanks for these answers. I agree it's normal for men to want to look at pretty shapely women, he'd have to be dead not to want to! But I can see from reading these replies the problem is with me and how I feel about me. Dh is a bit overweight but as he's a great dad I don't even notice it. But I think men are more turned on visually than we are. So I feel I need to work on me........thanks for all of the positive answers here, MN is great and full of great women!

Just a thought, why not give him a little taste of his own medicine - you and your body have been through a lot, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember men can be as insecure as women - what man doesn't think his willy could be bigger/six pack tighter/hair a bit thicker? Try a little surfing of your own and make sure he finds it! - it doesn't even have to be porn - maybe Travis Frimmel in those CK ads? It might just make him empathise with how you feel. He loves you, he just likes looking. Men are good at compartmentalising!

Porn annoys me for objectifying women eg when I think of my own sons looking at it and thinking all women are available for 3 in a bed etc etc and not realising the air brushing, the fake tits/hair/lips and that they are probably thinking about their pay packets! Sex is healthy and normal but living in a world on the web is not. Why not make your own porn together? Be as wild or as tasteful as you like. You can be in control of the make up and the props!