Quick q about time spent on pc/phone/xbox

[duejuly2010]

Just sitting here on me tod after kicking him out for all the right reasons last week.

But was thinking about bits of our relationship which went wrong...dangerous I know.

How much of your evening is spent doing anything but communicating with each other?

Our evenings went a bit like...he gets in, eats the dinner I've cooked, goes on his laptop until 10.30pm (ebay, email, car forums rotation), gets on his phone in bed (all singing all dancing internet one)whilst I feed baby.

DH does spend a lot of time on the Internet / his iPhone etc in the evenings. But he also looks after dd on his own all day while I go out to work, cooks a meal every night and does all the housework. So I reckon he deserves a bit of time to himself in the evenings.

We do most of our communicating at meal times.

Yeah I appreciate the time to himself bit although we had a lot of arguments about this as he's self employed and only works about 4-6 hrs a day. My argument was that I felt like a mother and housewife, and got no attention from him in the evenings. It did my head in

DH works for Sony and is addicted to his playstation, if it's out fo action he can find games online via his laptop or will even just play worms on his crap phone. He always says it will take 5mins but the number of times I've had (or at least started) dinner on my own because I've given him warnings it was ready and he's carried on playing..

Having said this I work freelance and only manage to get anything done during DS nap and in the evenings so we alternate evenings when DH will play on his playstation and I'll work in another room, then evenings when no computers etc are on and we normally drink whicky, eat cheese and watch west wing. We both have to make an concerted effort to do this but to be fair to DH he suggests it as much as I do.

But christ I hate that playstation

dh plays games online, but did go through a phase of playing a particularly NOT well known game where the other players were from america predominantly. this meant that he stayed up until stupid o'clock in the morning - or got up at stupid o'clock in the morning. there were many many arguments, he got little sleep and when drinking fell asleep at the computer.

like i said this went on for two years, before we had an incident fueled by two years of growing HATRED, him managing on 3 hours sleep and alcohol. then i left, took the kids after something like 15 years of marriage.

he quit the game, realising that he's lost everything over an online game.

i came back - 5 years later still here.

my point is this, dh had an addiction to this game, it came before everything, even his own personal well being.

it interupted family life, we all circled him and this game, he wouldn't attend things, becuase of this game, he wouldn't do things becuase of this game.

when i posted about it on mumsnet i was told to join him, make it a family thing! he was addicted. just like alcohol, just like drugs, like any other addiction that is taken seriously.

if anything is done to excess, interupts or takes over someones life, its an addiction. it sounds lame doesn't it, i know it does.

but i won't come second to a game, i will only come second to the kids and nothing else.

So, good for you op.

Addiction to games/chat rooms/internet porn certainly finished my marriage. I have posted on here before on the devastating effects of this addiction and I don't think many people accept that this is a serious problem.

Rather like alcohol (or some drugs) I believe most people can take it or leave it BUT some get completely sucked in and do become totally and utterly addicted to the detriment of their family, friends and careers.

When I was in my late teens, I made a decision to never get involved with a womaniser/charmer, gambler, drug addict or big drinker - the internet was in it's infancy then - now I add gamer/computer fan. I never want to live through that (or any addiction) and the consequences again.

OP you certainly have my sympathy.

I agree mrscynical - I would avoid any man (because they are not meant to be bl**dy children) who spends time 'gaming' (shudder), watches internet porn (I know most do, I'm just lucky dp doesn't) or generally puts anything aside family before me. I'm on my blackberry a lot for work, it's pretty unavoidable, and will come on MN when he's reading dailymail gossip pages checking work emails but at night laptops generally go away.

OP - i was an xbox widow for the 12 yrs we lived together, combined with his cannabis addiction it culminated in the end of our marriage, unfortunately he has still not changed and my 2 DD's end up stuck in the house for the entire weekend he has them watching dvd's, playing on their dss' or the xbox or playstation 3. When they come home they are so wound up i actually dread collecting them from my parents. and there's nothing I can do about it as its not my business what he does with them during "his time". The long term effect this is having on their development is a huge concern yet I can do nothing about it.
Addictions like this are not secret, theres no lies and stealing or deceit but are just as devastating for families.

It was my computer games obsession that ended my marriage, but that was no bad thing. I don't say addiction because once we moved apart I stopped living in the game - stopped playing altogether for several weeks and never went back to it so fanatically, even when I became unemployed. I can take it or leave it alone these days, and increasingly leave it alone because I'm addicted to Mumsnet instead

I think the point is that however shit life is, you'd do better to be doing something about it than hiding in a game. Playing obsessively is a great excuse for not taking responsibility. Then you, the console widow, become the mean old grown-up taking their fun away.