I feel soooo down. I wish I had a different family sometimes ;-(

[CrazyPlateLady]

I feel bad for even thinking it. They are not the worse people ever. Reading some peoples stories on here makes me realise I am lucky in some ways but I am realising more and more that I can't depend on them and there will probably be a time when I barely see any of them. I'll try and keep this short so there may be a few details missing, unless you ask for more.

My 'mother' left me when I was 4. She didn't want me, made it clear and after treating me like shit for 4 years, she just left while I was at my nans one day. My nan and grandad brought me up and my nan has always considered me a 6th child rather than her grandchild. I have never got over this btw and I find it a very thorny subject.

I used to stay with my dad at weekends. I always thought I could depend on him but as I get older, I see less and less of him. He is so unreliable now. I have been waiting 17 months for him to finish my kitchen. Promises then something else comes up of he just forgets. The whole thing is getting me down and it is clear that I am not high on his list of priorities.

Out of my 4 siblings, not one of them bothered with my birthday even though my DH reminded them a week before and my dad texted them on the day. I got a text later from my brothers (after my dad texted them) and 1 sister was away so she does have a valid reason but she even emailed me the day before but didn't mention my birthday. I made sure I sent her birthday card to her while she was away though.

One of my aunts and I are on fragile terms due to a falling out over my wedding and her DD lying about things. The other aunt has always resented me because I have always been close to my nan and she once said "yeah but you're nans favourite" in a very bitter tone. This aunt is particularly difficult for anyone to get on with.

Last night me and my nan had words because of something ridiculous. It is going to sound petty, but be gentle, I am pregnant and hormonal. I felt the other day that my nan was 'telling off' my DS too much whenever he went near my cousins DS. Mine is a year older (2.9) and it seemed like any time he went near cousins DS, he was getting told to not do this, be careful, etc etc. I told my nan I thought this was unfair and my DS was actually playing lovely, which she admitted but she got really defensive and told me I was ridiculous and trying to make something out of nothing. It was then obvious she didn't want to talk to me anymore.

I have been crying on and off ever since and I just feel that it cannot be everyone else and it must be something wrong with me. I feel like DS would be better off with a better mother than me. I'm not going to do anything stupid, but I have said to DH before, if it wasn't for the fact that we have made some great friends over the last couple of years, I would want to move away and just be done with it.

His family are no use. I am 27 weeks pregnant and MIL hasn't offered to help out or ask what are childcare arrangements are for DS when I have this baby or anything. I have M.E. and am I full time mum, she very rarely offers to have DS and then its on a bloody Sunday when DH is home which I like as our 'family' time.

Family has always been important to me and I have been desperate to cling onto them but I just don't know why I bother when its clear they don't feel the same.

I feel really down at the moment.

Your post is heartbreaking. I have to dash out now, but didn't want to not respond to it. I agree with your other post about needing some sort of psychotherapy or something - well done for being brave enough to tackle it head on.

ME is rubbish cpl and it ruins family relationships.You need more help but they are not always prepared to give it - it is NOT you.It sounds like your illness has made a difficult situation worse.
I have been through problems with my family due to same illness - nobody really bothers with you anymore if you can't attend family gatherings etc and you become invisible.
It is very hard to come to terms with but can be done and then you can move forward and stop going through this.
Try not to worry and get too stressed about this all as it will not help your illness.
Have a hug from me .

and a bump

Thanks.

Is it really heartbreaking? I always feel like I am being petty and ridiculous tbh.

Oh sweetheart, it's not petty or ridiculous to want your siblings to acknowledge your birthday - it's completely normal!

You sound like a wonderful mum and if your Gran considers you her 6th child then you must be very close to her. Maybe you misinterpreted her concern re your DS due to hormones? At any rate, can you do something to make up with her as it sounds like you normally have a great relationship with her.

The rest of your family sound odd though and it isn't you - it's them.

Is is heartbreaking and you have every right to feel very let down by your mum and dad and your Aunt was just being a bit of a cow.

You are probably being a little over sensitive about your nan though, I say this but don't be too upset. It sounds like she loves you very much. I get very defensive too when my mum tells my kids to be careful around their littler cousins but when I drive home or whatever I realise I was probably being silly and she just wants everyone to get along and that my SIL is a little bit sensitive about other kids. Perhaps she has other issues going on with your cousins child.

I think it is very hard to overcome your childhood not withstanding your illness and current pregnancy issues so be proud, think I'm a good mum to DS and we will be our own loving super cool family.

I think if you talked to your GP they could recommend some counselling maybe to tlak through issues stemming from your childhood? They might also be able to give you some practical help with your illness, surestart?

Thanks. I have made an appointment to see my GP.

I have had counselling twice in the past but I would really like some sort of therapy as this keeps happening. I take any little thing as a personal critism. I don't deal well with any sort of problem and see it as total rejection, then imagine all sorts of scenarios where people are never going to speak to me again and it never actually turns out how that way. Then I feel better about it all and something minor will happen and trigger it all over again.

Just realised it seems to happen at this time of year and from the social service files I found years ago, my 'mother' left in November. I swear something in my subconcious seems to know this every year, even though I don't consciously give it a thought.

Being pregnant and very hormonal is not helping at all. If I told my nan it was down to my hormones, she will probably scoff and tell me not to be so daft.

'Is it really heartbreaking?' of course it is - THE most important thing for a person, is to be recognised by their mother as being worthwhile (IMO).

So sorry you are going through this rubbish and I hope you get the help you need.

Thanks.

"THE most important thing for a person, is to be recognised by their mother as being worthwhile"

Thats how I feel too which is why I have such feelings of total inadequacy. I'm sure a lot of my insecurities and hang ups come down to the first 4 years of my life, which were pretty shitty.

People (in my family) seem to think that just because I went to live at my nans where I was given a good life and well looked after, then that is it and all is fine but it really isn't and I am now 29 and I just can't seem to get past this.

Everytime I do something shitty with regards to DS, getting 'shouty' and getting really annoyed when he plays up at bedtime and things like that, I just think it is because I had such a shit 'mother' and that some of it must be in me.

The first few years of your life are far more important psychologically and I am not surprised you are struggling. You need to try and recognise the inadequacy of your mother (in being unable to be a proper mother) rather than think of yourself as being inadequate. I really think you need proper professional input though. What does your Dr say? Or if you can't afford to go privately, maybe call a psychotherapist and see what their fees are - some reduce for those that cannot afford the full fee.

Dr hasn't said anything yet. I have made an appointment for the end of this month to discuss it with her. I am fed up of it creeping up on me and I need to deal with it.