complex ptsd

[Mummiehunnie]

Has anyone been diagnosed with this or known someone who has?

You're welcome kitten, glad you found it helpful.

Book will take a look at your link now, thanks x

I think Tim Field has something on his bullying site about ptsd, I'm pretty sure he has written a book about it.

I experienced pdst from before I was 10 until in my 30s. I have had emdr. It doesn't recover memories, or not it my experience. It is designed to 'reprocess' the events that caused the trauma so that they don't continually resurface. In the ordinary course of events, probably while we're asleep, everything that has happened during the day is 'filed away' in the appropriate place. Emdr allows that to happen. It is performed while you are in a state of relaxation, and it's normally recommended that you live a quiet life for the rest of the day.

From my own experience I had been in a room in a house where we were staying. My only memory was of what happened in the room and strong anger. After emdr I knew that I had been tricked to go into the room with the promise of a jigsaw puzzle, and could picture the cupboards in the hall where I had been told they were kept. It didn't really cause any other memory to surface. It was like seeing a transfer on the surface of water, gradually breaking up into little pieces, so that you could no longer see the picture and it all dissolved and disappeared.

Unfortunately dh took me to see the film 'babe' the following night. In my defence it was after a very stressful week at work. All the faces peering at the pig from close up freaked me out. After the film was over, I legged it home and ended up in a screaming heap under the kitchen table. I can laugh about it now. I think it's because your subconscious is a bit more 'open' and things can act as triggers that wouldn't normally.

Subsequent experiences weren't so dramatic, thank goodness, and now the events are of the same magnitude as remembering falling on some gravel that caused a scar I have on my knee. Just something that happened a long time ago.

Emdr was developed in the US by a woman called, I think, Francine Shapiro. She probably has a site that will give more information.

Hope that helps a bit.

That's really interesting, thanks tb.

Has anyone happened across any workable advice on how to handle the simultaneous issues of 'locked-away' memories & feelings, that are still toxic, and self-development in the present day?

I'm using TA and compassion/mindfulness stuff to continue my self-parenting, along with cognitive techniques (Pete Walker's list is on my kitchen wall) to help manage my frequent trauma responses. Just now, though, I feel as if I'm fighting a hidden enemy - well, I am: it's hidden in my head! I've been adequately persuaded that I don't need to recover any more memories than I have. But I've just been blown off my feet by an emotional reaction (not in a good way) and would really welcome any additional advice and tools people might know about.

I suspect my answer is on my kitchen wall! "Flashbacks are opportunities to discover, validate and heal ..." It's just that I'm in a bit of a mess atm, and am hoping for good advice.

this is a useful site

Thanks, scurryfunge (love your name!) I'll read the whole thing :)

If you go into the forum there is a section on PTSD

Mummiehunnie I have had CPTSD and PTSD and am now 'cured'. I also swear by EMDR. I know you from the NPD ex and stately homes threads, so our experiences are largely similar.

I've just started a new job so am off Mumsnet a bit at the moment, but CAT me if you want to know anymore.

Yes I have - can I help at all?

Dissociation can be a problem, it has been for me, as has attachment but I think that relates to the cause of the ptsd.

I've just found this site. www.uic.edu/classes/psych/psych270/PTSD.htm

I think it's part of a university course or something - but seems to have a lot of info' regarding therapy and cause for both PTSD and Complex PTSD.

The part referring to Complex PTSD is about half way down. :)

Thank you to Briar for another excellent resource which I am going to add to my Blog.

As soon as I stop wondering if I'm making myself into a victim ......

This has been going on for me for 16 years.

And because of the nature of the trauma that did this to me, there is a high risk that I will always face denial and blame from the perpetrators, even if I can prove that I am innocent with logic and scientific progress.

I have spent a long time trying not to define myself by the trauma, to move on and accept I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I have survivors guilt because others in similar situations haven't had my outcome, which is regarded by many as ideal, as it was in one way - Gosh, it's so hard to try and explain without being specific, but I don't want to be specific because my trauma invokes so much controversy and high emotions.

Now I wonder if I should just accept that this happened for a reason, and that as long as I can sort out my emotional responses to it I can actually do something worthwhile for other people.

Of course, my thoughts tell me I am not good enough, that I have nothing to offer and that I am a fraud.

I have to egt off this damn carousel, I feel sick and dizzy and I want it to stop!! I want to try the other rides now, please.

Glad the link was useful ToxicKitten.

I liked the way the article gave me a sense of hope that even though it will be difficult one day I may reach somewhere 'average' rather then constantly living in 'hyper' mode.

I don't think you are making yourself into a victim at all....you are a victim and to move on you have to process the events and lay it to rest once and for all....16 years isn't that long you know...my processing has lasted for over 35+ years, so far, but within the last month or so have finally realised - truly realised - that my family, the whole lot of them are totally and utterly screwy.

There is nothing I can do to help them or change them so shall now, once and for all, step away and leave them to it, no nastiness, no rows, no confrontation, no explaining, I am just done with it all.

I am ready to go it alone in the big wide world without a fleck of guilt in sight!

My perpetrators are my family rather than an outside relationship, so untangling it all has taken an extremely long time...with many slips back into the toxic fold...but I think at last I am nearly done with it all.

In 6 ish weeks I will/should finally be 'safe' and then it will be time to move on from it all. I know I can do this, as have had a whole 5 years in the past where there was just 'me' and just 'me' did very well all by herself.

I am the same as you...I want to try the other rides at the fun fair now. RIGHT NOW!

Wow what a lot of 'all's in my post!

Sorry 'bout that.

I had Schema Therapy which involves digging up the "bad" memories and putting them to rights by discussion about what should've happened/been said. And then... (frightfully American ) - affirmations from my adult self to my child self.

I think I've used a similar style of dealing with things to AlpinePony (Schema Therapy)- although without realising my technique had a name. Epiphany moment!

I seem to have cultivated trusting relationships (over a very long time frame) and have then used these to unravel and discuss the bad memories. The people I trust are always on my side, the same as a therapist would be I presume? Couldn't do therapy, now realise it's due to Complex PTSD = No trust - therapist may turn my revelations against me or manipulate me somehow! Although, at the time all I knew for sure was there was no way I was revealing my 'real self' to anyone and giving them ammunition to attack me with!

I also think I fed and nurtured my inner child when my own children where little...I was a mother who liked doing finger painting and play doh etc! It seems having small children (my 5 good years mentioned ^ up there) allowed me to 'fill in' my missing good memories from childhood??

Oh I dunno...until yesterday I didn't even realise how I felt for all those years had a name such as Complex PTSD....I just knew how I felt and that somehow soon it was going to end.

Thanks for starting the thread Mummiehunnie...it really has done me personally a power of good. xx

ItsGraceAgain - how does Mindfulness help with complex PTSD?

Thank you Briar, your posts have really given me hope :) And I wish you well completing your journey! Maybe one day we'll meet around the swing boats!

My situation is very difficult to explain for judgemental reasons - here we go again - I had a mildly toxic upbringing and then the system took over......

I might have been able to help myself with the former, but the latter put paid to any shred of self-reliance I may have had.

My poor DH and DS convinced me to seek TA therapy about 18 months ago, and I was doing well, although only in so far as modifying harmful behaviours for the sake of others....I did it for a year, then our circumstances changed in a major way - my two dear SDs moved in with us (three teens at home now, nearly 16, 16 and just 17,) shortly after my beloved paternal Grandmother succumbed to terminal cancer while I was putting on a play.

So for a while I've been subsuming myself in other stuff, and of course our entire family circs are anything but simple, so before long the old habits come back and alcohol becomes my anaesthetic of choice...

I still don't really get that I don't deserve harm either, but I had a huge crisis this weekend just gone and think I'm having a kind of collapse....both emotional and physical.

I'm trying to physically dump out the whole trauma onto a Blog and that article you posted Briar was brilliant because it helped me see that so much of my recovery is going to be about taking control without fear (not in a bad way though!!)

Off I go again, I feel as if I am physically and mentally being purged and can't focus much on anything else - am torn between letting myself do this and seeing where it leads me or trying to take breaks for fear of becoming obsessed.....

Although I am stopping to drink tea and I have just done up an ebay parcel and yesterday I went out for lunch with DH and my Mum despite feeling like a two headed freak......nobody saw my other head though, so it was okay....

Can I also explain that I use what I believe is called "Gallows Humour" alot to try and defuse my emotional panics, so sometimes things pop out that seem flippant or insincere... I would never want to offend or hurt anybody, and try to be mindful that not everyone shares my outlook.

Thanks again :)

Fairymist - I'm hampered by a whole lot of 'separating' layers: I dissociate, do fugues, constantly self-test and self-criticise, etc, etc (very tiring!) Mindfulness/meditation is a way of stopping the roundabout for a few minutes. It gives my mind a respite; a small interlude to just be, with no input from me or my inner chatter.

I've noticed my panic attacks happen in inverse proportion to my meditation. I'm going to get one of those CDs and use it every day :)