Am I missing something here or am I really an arrogant egomaniac?

[sprouticus]

I am fuming - feeling bullied, confused and let down.

It was a row this morning while getting ready for work and school about who dropping the kids off. We both work 5 days - me shorter days, I start earlier but finish in time to pick the kids up from school. Up until recently the dc were going to breakfast club but dp has arranged with his work that he can start later and take dc to school himself in the morning. This week is the last week of notice at the breakfast club. On waking I said I'd drop them off early at there on my way to work. Up until then dp had forgotten that they could still go and had assumed up he was taking them to school this morning.

Anyway - usual morning routine ensued - then it was discovered we had no bread for pack lunches - my fault apparently "If only you'd listen". I think of it more as a miscommunication. Anyway, I dashed off to the shop, got the bread, made the pack lunches and seeing the time said to DP that he would have to take the kids in after all as I was going to be late for work. By this time he was obviously liking the idea that he could continue with getting himself ready for and into work unencumbered. His response was "No. You said you were going to do it, you can't just change your mind now". I replied I couldn't do it, that if I took the dc in I would be late for work, that everything was ready, all he had to do was drop them off. I was then told, several times, that I was being arrogant and that I couldn't just tell him what to do. When I said again, look really I just don't want to be late for work and reminded him he didn't have to be in til later anyway and until an hour previously he'd assumed he was taking the kids in - he told me as always it was all about me again wasn't it and made out I was being completely unreasonable.

I took the dc in and headed off to work - late - and I've been going over it all day. Seriously, was I being unreasonable? I'm angry with him for showing so little respect for me and my work that despite knowing that I was going to get in late he flatly refused to help out. And for portraying me in such an extreme way when I was just trying to get things done. He says he's angry with me because I told him he HAD to take them in and I was acting selfishly and arrogantly - which I honestly don't think I was. Tonight he came home as if nothing had happened and when I was cool with him, he said he was still annoyed with me too but was basically able to rise above it - that I should forget it and move on.

If you think it's just a daft tiff and that I should just get over it fine, tell me, I've been trying to see it from his point of view but I really feel as if his whole response this morning was way unnecessary.

Yanbu.
But, if you had gone to work, and left the children with him, who would have taken them to school?

So, you could have just gone. I am guessing you feel pretty angry with yourself too.

Bollocks - I think he was still blaming you for the bread

I think it's very difficult to think on your feet sometimes - if you'd thought about it you would have realised that going off to get bread was going to make it impossible for you to take them so before you left you would have needed to say "I'm off to get bread so I won't be able to fit in making the lunches, getting myself ready and dropping them off, are you going to take them"?

The bread is what through the timing out, so the situation had changed since you offered first thing.

He has to appreciate that situations change constantly and you both have to move to accomodate it.

Yes, on the face of it, it looks like you switched the goal posts and changed your mind.

But really it's the sandwich making that made the situation change.

If it was me (and it's not so do what you like) I would leave it a few days and then have a proper conversation about situations changing and us both having to compromise. And how you didn't mean it to seem like you were bossing him about it. And that you want him to respect your work and the time you start.

But I would be pissed off for now like you are

I am - tbh it only occurred to me tonight that I could have left him to get on with it. The thing that makes me most mad tho is he's trying to get me to accept a picture of myself which I just don't recognise but which justifies his behaviour. Makes me very depressed really.

Sorry - crossed posts with Laurie there. That's very diplomatic Laurie, you've got a point. My reaction is 'how dare he' but then that's his reaction too isn't it?

You don't have to agree with his picture of you - all that selfish and arrogant stuff. Yes, he felt 'dissed' and bossed around but that's his problem - you don't have to agree with that summary.

Frankly it seems you're better at putting aside your personal feelings (until later) to get the job done and get the situation resolved. He will need to do the same. It is not acceptable for you to be late for work I presume (as in his job) so both jobs deserve equal respect.

The other thing that occurs to me is that you are two people, with hectic job schedules and young children, so I bet, a lot going on.

Children's packed lunches should come as no surprise to either of you, and so ideally bread should have been bought the night before.

Like in most families where both parents are working, it somehow always ends up as the womans responsibility to remember to have all the food items in the house, and the one time she doesnt, a whole morning schedule is thrown out. Getting all this organized is such a mare isn't it.

It seems to me you need to address this with your dh, too.