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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

may bump into my ex at funeral

3 replies

Lizita · 16/09/2005 09:18

I know it sounds completely selfish worrying about this at a funeral and it's frustrating because I wish i could just focus on the funeral, but... an ex i was with for 5 years, not father of dd, might be there. I have a feeling he will completely blank me if he's there, and i don't know why but that thought is bothering me. What i want to know is, should i go up to HIM and say hello, at risk of being shunned? I have kind of been wanting to bump into him, just for the closure element, but feel really awkward about talking to him! Plus there are things i weirdly want him to know, eg that i DIDN'T have an affair (i'm sure he thinks I did, esp as i got pregnant not long after we split, and also got another boyfriend (also not dd's dad) not long after too). I also want him to know who dd's dad is because I reckon he thinks it's someone who it's not. Not that any of this really matters in our lives any more, i just inexplicably want him to know... but of course bumping into him at the funeral is not the place to have a heart to heart anyway, even if i could under normal circumstances!!
I guess it would be nice to have an element of civility there between us, but it's not likely knowing him.

OP posts:
gigglinggoblin · 16/09/2005 09:20

i would just ignore him unless he speaks to you, in which case be civil but dont go into all the old stuff. you might want him to know but it isnt fair on the other people at the funeral if you two have a row in the middle of it (and you still seem quite emotional about it all so its fairly likely)

Lizita · 16/09/2005 10:04

yes i know, of course we wouldn't talk about all that stuff at the funeral! I just always feel awkward going to group things as it is, i'll feel even more self conscious if he's there and if he ignores me.

OP posts:
Tommy · 16/09/2005 10:13

I went to a funeral recently and one man was trying to ignore 2 women (not exes - family thing). He managed to not speak or even look at them throughout the funeral, cremation and for a couple of hours back at the (not big) house.
I wouldn't worry about it - they'll be anought other things to worry about

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