super sister in law - so depressing...... any empathy out there?

[Longstocking2]

My sil is over ten years younger than me, has a really impressive career, has one baby and another on the way (it took me forever to have my two) and is more organised than an army of organised people.
we've spent time all together over half term and I feel really winded by it. DH says forget it and is totally down to earth about her and says it's not a competition...

BUT she makes me feel so inadequate. And she is naturally a very competitive person which makes it hard to repress that in me....

we get on quite well but underneath I feel increasingly down about her.

Just wondered if anyone else had had the same thing and got over it!!!

Do enjoy your family and your own way of doing things, it sounds fine. I could have been your SIL to outsiders as my children were growing up. Always organised (just how I am and NONE of my 3 have inherited that gene), always positive, always volunteering. That was how I had always lived my life.

However, no one knew that my ex DH was leading me a merry dance, so everyone was totally shocked when he left after 20 years of marriage. Took me a year to tell my parents the truth of why he left and most people still don't know now.

And goodness I need my organisational skills now on my own with 3 teenagers!

So enjoy and don't compare as sadly we don't know what life will throw at any of us.

Oh never mind what you think she might be thinking about you.

Like BIWI I too have been cast by one SIL in the role of high flyer against whom she feels inadequate etc. It's bloody boring and indeed insulting to have to be the butt of someone else's projections.

It also means I have to tread on eggshells around her trying very hard NOT to give any substance to her entrenched view of me. So therefore I can't be myself around her at all.

LittlebearH she sounds lovely Ds1 used to love tv from a very young age In fact at 2 weeks old he turned his head and chuckled at tellytubbies! And there were witnesses all in shock too. HV said it must've been wind

My SIL is beautiful, funny, kind and a wonderful mother. I am fat, insecure, ditzy and drink too much. We are very different mothers with very different opinions. I used to get so upset at how perfect she is but over time I have just learnt to accept that we are just different people. We get on really well and our dcs adore each other. Nobody is perfect.

Thank goodness, Katisha - someone else who knows how I feel!

loads of great posts, thank you all very much!
I feel much better. Best of all dh doesn't particularly like her so I don't have to feel jealous ontop of her heroicness.

Many good points here, much food for thought and I do feel much better.

i have an uber competitive SIL.

its quite bewildering. i dont have a competitive bone in my body and its really not hard to 'beat' me at practically everything so im not sure why she is so obsessed with it.

DH says its because i dont care and she is going to keep competing until she feels like she has beaten me. presumably she will know she has won when i show i care?

its all very tiring.

(not in anyway comparing you to my SIL longstocking2, just brought some stuff up for me)

every single post here has done me some good, thanks,
I think it's always good to be reminded that things are rarely as they seem!
Families are strange and complicated things, and living together for 4 days with inlaws was certainly a challenge on all these fronts. Particularly as my 2 yr old is way low on the measurements for weight and her 1 yr old is off the chart and she's massively proud of it and looks askance at my dd's size......

That's made me

I totally agree. We actually get on really well, and I am genuinely fond of her despite envying her etc.
She is who she is, my response to her is my responsibility, I know that.

Longstocking, i think that you are being unfair to your SIL. My SIL ( bil's wife) took an instant dislike to me ,as she saw me as this superwoman(she actually told me ths). Even when i told her that i was noyhing of the sort, she refusedto believe me
and i like another poster said, felt that i was walking on eggshells all the time.
It caused so many problems within the family
and sil constanly snipes and makes nasty comments.
I think the problem is yours OP, and the fact that your dh doesn't like her could be because he knows that you have low self esteem and doesn't want you to feel worse
You need to work on your own self esteem and stop attempting to find faults with your sil

forehead doesn't sound like longstocking is nasty to her sil?

I haven't got anything constructive to add, just wanted to write about my perfect SIL ... she was my best friend, despite looking down on my comprehensive shortcomings in comparison to her. She was driven by deep-rooted fears; she couldn't talk to many people about them. We were close and she was very kind when I was in trouble. She died young :(

If you like her in spite of her perfection (!) - appreciate her. You never know how long you've got her!

I agree with lots of people that you have no idea how she views herself and often competitive people are the hardest on themselves.

I was totally amazed when a friend told me she thought I was some kind of supermum, bfing, working full-time etc etc.

It was a million miles from how I saw myself (frazzled, trying to do my best but failing on all fronts).

I also agree that she is probably jealous of you on lots of counts, I am certainly v.jealous of "fun" people who are more laid-back than me and seem to get so much more out of life.

that's very sad itsgrace, I'm so sorry to read that.
I do appreciate her actually, I'm not always feeling down about her. It's just living togther over half term with kids and inlaws had a big effect. But if the chips were down we are strong allies and all that other stuff is forgotten. Thanks

Cheers :) Strong allies are worth their weight in gold - your different personality styles are probably what make you a great team, had you thought of that?