Shall i move to my country of birth with out my 2 year old child?

[hopetoday]

A lot of you know me from the many posts, i have done. My h has abused me for the past two years and finally i managed to get away from him, i came back to uk so he could see our child, Big mistake now he has taken a prohibitive steps order meaning i can't leave the country. He won't budge, i am left with paying for a property in my home country and he says he will never let our child leave the country. I was told by the court without his consent i can't take my son -or i make an application which will take 8 months which i might have success with , i cannot leave the matrimonial home with my son at night or i will be sent to jail. ( i feel i am already in jail) i am so miserable i feel i should just leave my child and try and raise money so i can fight for him, my H is a lawyer and knows how to manipulate the laws the, plse help has anyone been through this?.

no mummalish the op wouldn't have a right to live in her home country with her son because op's home country is not her son's father's home country and he has rights too.

But there's something that doesn't add up here. Op said that her h has taken out an order preventing her from leaving the country with their child and regardless of what one thinks of him as an individual this is actually his right and I can see why he would do that.

But op also said that she is being forced to stay in the marital home and that the child cannot leave the marital home at night? why? Why not at night? Presumably the child can leave the marital home during the day so what happens at night?

I also find it hard to believe that someone would testify in court that he wants to kill someone and the courts would still side with him.

Totally agree wannabe

The Hague Convention can prevent you from leaving the country with the child, especially if the child is a citizen and it's deemed the place of habitual residence. If you left without your H's consent before then that would go against you. However a lot of the other stuff you are saying about what your H has put in place sounds horrifically unfair.

You need a better lawyer. Even with my limited understanding the order to prevent you from leaving the country with your son and the steps which restrict your fredom of movement are different things. What do each of the order says in and of themselves? One presumably deals with the fact you can't take the child out of the country without your H's consent. One presumably gives him the right to spend time with the child. The PSO must be the one covering the stipulation the child must spend the night at the specified address but that would usually cover not taking the child out of the country too. The key to defeating what he's put in place is understanding and then countering it.

The abuse and DV thing though you need to get specialist help with. Surely there must be a way to for you to go to a refuge without breaking the court order?

You need to make sure all contact you have with your H is supervised so he can't beat you again.

Unfortunately, unless you have previously documented the abuse, this might look like you're trying to besmirch your H's name and win the custody battle. Were you in contact with any professionals previously? Can you ask them for help on your current situation?

If he has beaten you, then call the police and have them arrest him or at least report the assault. Take photos of any bruises, cuts, etc. Are there police reports of previous assaults? From where you were living before? From the UK?

Yes, you must get a really good lawyer. And you need to go to Women's Aid.

What Chandra and everyone else has said, in other words.

DON'T LEAVE YOUR CHILD!

Take the child with you down to the police station and ask to talk to the domestic violence officer. Bring the orders with you if you have them. Explain you are being beaten and are in danger and ask them what you can do. You simply cannot be kept prisoner like this with this jailer.

Thank you so much for all your advice, yesterday i wrote a post but my internet crashed so it did not go through,

I have been out of the uk twice with my h permission to take my child with me, and i had a lawyers signed agreement that i could go with my child. I came back to the uk to let my h spend his 2 weeks allocated time every 3months so there was never any danger that i would run off, I am a british citizen and so is our child and h.
He is being vindictive as he thought i could not manage with out him in another country and through skype and photo's to our child he has seen that we are settled and enjoying our new life. Now he says he won't finance my lifestyle-i have told him to keep the money and just let me go with my child and that is why he has been making it as hard as possible. From his salary i get quarter of what he earns which is fine as i need it for our child.

He wants me to sign papers to sell the hse but as i say i cant do that until the pso is lifted as he can tell me to bugger off with out my son and i will be left homeless.
Sorry if i have repeated myself.

In his court statement he did mention that he wanted to kill me But since this was a hearing they would not go through who says she says.

the 2nd court appearance cafcass had not done search on us so i was basically told by the court to negotiate and mediation.- But mediation is not recommended if there is dv.
Next week i am back for a reconciliation hearing- that is why he is trying to break me since after this the court will allow me to file a leave to remove my child out of uk which takes about 8months.
My h left the mh after the police came when he threatened to kill me, two days after i arrived in uk.

The danger is when he drops off our child but from your advice i will ask my neighbour to be there.
He parks our car outside our door but i am not allowed to drive it he purchased a new one the exact model of our old car and traded it three days after i arrived so i would not have ownership, and he works in the city and catches a train mon -frid. This is quite petty, the court have said i might need to have a bond in place so our child keeps in touch with his father as africa is a grey area, i have said he can have my equity of the house as a bond put done.
basically its come to buying my child- I cry when i am out there for i know everychild needs a father so its not like i am being nasty i am just trying to save my child and myself.

You must, must, must go to the police and have the recent abuse recorded. Walk or take a bus or ask the neighbour for a lift.

And no, your child does not need this father in his life.

A RECONCILIATION hearing???! Dear god, he's twisted the system right in his favour, hasn't he?! Violence towards you is illegal. So is refusing you access to transport - it is financial abuse. No doubt he is also guilty of verbal abuse. Threatening to kill is also a crime, your counsel should have told you so after your hearing.

Your solicitor sounds crap. Please do ring Woman's Aid (it can take several tries to get through). Also ring your local police station - look in the phone book - and ask to talk to their DV advisor. You need to start getting some proper help in defending yourself. Yes, it sounds as though your situation is complicated but he's just taking the piss

I hope the Legal board here can help you, too.

Ah, sorry, I see you meant a conciliation hearing, where no decisions will be made. Phew!

Looks like you need to marshal your strengths before then, as much as you can. Good luck.

It seems that there is no communication between the various agencies. As you have his wish to kill you on paper you may need to wave this infront of authorities instead.
Do not be passive as the dv information will probably not come to light.

They haven't searched but you need to point them in the right direction.

Glad he is not in the marital home.

How is you dc coping with all this?

Have you called women's aid? This is mighty complex and you need people to advocate for you. He's being a bastard.

If he has beaten you go to to the Police and file a complaint of assault or whatever they will class it as. Also contact the GP and Health Visitor and get it recorded; if your child witnessed it get that recorded too as witnessing the assault of a parent is classed as child abuse I understand.

If it were me I would not allow this abuser anywhere near his child unsupervised. You are an adult and look what he does to you; what might he do to your child? Can he not have contact in a supervised contact centre? (If he has to have contact at all).

Also, if you press charges for assault surely you can contact his professional body and get him struck off. Who would want to be legally represented by a thug.

not every child needs a father.

every child needs love, happiness and safety.

If their father fails in his duty to provide that (and beating the child's mother does this), the child does not need him in their life.

Please get some DV support from Womens Aid and some legal support. Womens Aid will help with that too