DH thinks it's over

[totallysadtoday]

Hi,

DH came home drunk last night and told me that he doesn't think we should carry on - married for 18 years, DC (one with special needs).

He says that although we love each other that isn't enough. There's a list of ongoing unresolved issues between us, such as the fact I choose to work part time (which he sees as inconvenient), our respective parents (his in particular are v difficult).

DH says that I'm sad all the time, not the person that he married, and that whatever he does he can't make me happy. He is also unsatisfied with our sex life. DH basically thinks that we should call it a day and be "best friends" rather than muddling along (don't a lot of long term couples?)

I would agree that I am often grumpy due to the stress of dealing with our DD (SN).

I don't want our marriage to end over this....but can we really recover? He says that he is prepared to try but tbh he seems so defeated already.

He seems so unsatisfied with his life, in particular his job, our problems with DD, and I think he is really looking for an easy way out. He's also just turned 40!

What can I do?

Well, if you feel able to, tell us what you are seeing. There are lots of people on here (men as well as women) who have been in similar situations. I think it would be particularly helpful to hear from posters who received a similar speech from their H (I didn't, FWIW) and what that meant for them.

Every relationship is different, but sadly there are some scripts in relationships that are re-enacted everywhere. I know for many women, it's only when they start hearing from posters who witnessed the same behaviour, that the penny drops...

Up to you what you share, but it might be very helpful.