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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Toxic MIL

1 reply

mindmap · 30/10/2010 22:53

I'm really struggling with this and could do with some impartial advice.

There's a long history but here are the essentials....

Have known DH for 17 years - MIL was unhappy about our marriage and made it clear that I was not "good enough" for him. She is an alcoholic, and regularly rings up when drunk, leaving abusive messages. She alienates most people in her life - had no relationship with her own mother, her only brother will have nothing to do with her as she is so manipulative/unpleasant.

My DH dislikes her and tries to keep contact to a mimimum, but she is always writing letters or on the phone to him. She is single and basically seems to rely upon him in the same way that you would a spouse. I cannot understand why he continues to have any contact with her but I suppose that he turns a blind eye to her bad behaviour because he was conditioned to accept it.

I want to be supportive of DH because I do not wish to make a difficult situation impossible for him, but I am finding it increasingly hard to tolerate her in my life.

I don't wish to give DH any sort of ultimatum, but just recognise that I am unhappy having this toxic woman in my life.

If anyone else has a similar situation, how to you cope on a long term basis?

OP posts:
ragged · 30/10/2010 23:29

Sorry, not BTDT, but didn't want you to feel ignored.
Can you set some ground rules so that you know that the limits are of your contact with the MIL, make it something more predictable and contained? I can understand it's his mum so he doesn't want to cut her out completely, but that doesn't mean you should suffer.

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