Friends and money

[Daydreaming]

I am the sort of person that if I borrow any money from a friend (e.g. because I don't have change when we are paying for something) I make sure I give it back as soon as possible - I would not want the other person to think that I have forgotten.

I have one friend who is like that as well - and so if I pay for her glass of wine for example, she will remember and make sure she does the same for me next time, and always bring it up.

But another friend does seem to forget sometimes and I do feel that I seem to pay for more things than she does - for example a few days ago I paid for her meal (because I went up to order) and I assumed she would pay me back, but she has not mentioned it. The amount is not big - £10 - but it has annoyed me.

Do you think some people just forget?

I am ok financially, but do try to be careful with money, while she spends a lot more (and I know she had a very comfortable childhood and has never had any money worries) - so I wonder whether that's another reason?

I understand this. I hate to owe money, and I always try and keep things "even" with friends, ie, if a friend pays for the lunch one day, I will pay the next time round. I would hate anyone to feel like I was freeloading off them, even though as a child we were comfortably off, I just hate to feel like I owe anything to anyone, or am taking advantage...

To add to that though, some people do not think like this, and they are not taking advantage, just unaware, and more careless in a way with money than you or I would be.

I'm like you, I'm so terrified that somebody will think I'm a tight scrounger that I would have left the tenner on the table so that it was there when you got back and you didn't have to ask for it.

Oh, I hate that. I used to have a friend who consistently paid less than everyone else - she only had twenty quid when the meal came to £22, never had change for a tip, was always last to buy a round, always managed to blag lifts, etc. Once I noticed it just got worse and worse.

She is no longer my friend...

Yes, I think she is just a bit careless with money - not in a bad way - but just different to me. I am sure it's not intentional, and I also think she is used to other people paying for things for her - her parents, older sisters, etc.

I don't think I can bring it up because I don't want to sour our friendship. I guess I just need to be a bit more relaxed about it, although I wish she was a little bit more aware of things. I have a good income but I am a lone parent, so I do always worry about money !!!!

cat - I think sometimes it's not that easy - in this situation she asked me to order for her while she went to get our table. I think money can be a tricky issue.

When you got back you really needed to say something like "Your meal was £10, have you got the right money?". Just deal with this casually and straight away, then she'll just get her purse out and pay you.

Myleetlepony - I think you are right. I nearly did but something held me back. I am a chicken. I think I have a fear of people not liking me.
I will try to be stronger !

Myleetlepony, yes, I used to know a girl who would have leant in to our mutual friend's purse and took the money she was owed - better than simmering quietly! she somehow got away with it.

taken teh money she was owed I mean. arhg

I was as school with someone like that, she didn't mind lending anyone else money, normally had more than everyone else, but if she borrowed money didn't pay it back.

I'd lent her money, and couldn't afford to do without it, so one day asked her to lend me the amount she owed me. Perhaps asking to borrow £10 from her next time you are out would work.

Daydreaming, there is more chance of you not liking her for not offering any money! Being assertive doesn't mean you need to be rude or confrontational. Just ask her for the money before or after going to the bar. If she says anything then tell her that money is a bit tight and you can't afford to subsidise her. You will feel better if you speak up I assure you!

I have a friend abit like this. Whenever we go out for a meal she doesnt agree with leaving tips whereas I always do. So, she doesnt leave anything. Ever.