domestic violence

[Coffeebeans]

hi, I haven't been around for a while.I haven't got access to the mobile I was using.

On 17th Oct my husband beat me up, my little 6mo was in the next room, he didn't see it but he was screaming.I called the police & he was arrested two days later, he's due in court Nov 4th.He has got a history of violence, he was on probation for assaulting a policeman 18 months ago. I thought he'd sorted himself out when I fell pregnant!

I've been a bag of nerves since it happened.
I keep thinking he's watching me & he's going to abduct my son. I am getting help from victim support, she's coming to my house next week. I've moved to a new town & I don't know anybody.

The week after it happened I got on the phone to Income support & i've made a claim. I've also applied for a community care grant. I'm worried the grant won't be accepted because I'm not officially claiming income support yet?

Anyhow,my little one is doing really well. He's still in a good routine, sleeping well & gained a pound in a fortnight (I've started weaning him.

I can't log on to mumsnet from my mobile, I can only read active conversations.I'll try to get back to the library on Saturday.

i hope everything is ok

Coffeebeans...I hope this doesn't sound patronising but I'm so proud of you. Your story is almost identical to mine, except that the abuse was not only aimed at me but also my children (the worst you can imagine in my DD2s case).

My ex also was charged, it went to trial but the case collapsed. So before a court order was put in place for contact (over my dead body) we fled. Moved to a village a long way from home. We knew no one. We changed our names. Applied for all the help we could get and are now so so happy. Ex walked free but he has no idea where we are.

It's hard, and scary, but nowhere near as much as living a life of fear and abuse. You can now bring your little boy up in a healthy loving home, and instill in him some values and respect about the right way to treat women.

The help is there for you. Keep on at the grant people; lie if you have to, cry, do whatever it takes. What is your housing situation? Have you claimed housing benefit? Council Tax benefit? Tax credits? Take the help that is there for as long as it takes for you to get back on your feet. Be proud knowing you are a fantastic Mum and a very brave woman.

What a stressful situation you're in.

I'm so glad you got away from him and have the chance now to build a new and safe life for yourself.

I hope he goes to prison for this. I can't believe he didn't go to prison for assaulting a police officer.

Try to look to the future now - I know it will be hard, but there are good times ahead with people who will care for you.

Take all the support offered, and don't worry about your grant, if you have stated you are waiting to receive your income support, they will probably ask to see your benefit entitlement when it arrives.

I hope you and your little one settle soon.

If you can please try and find your nearest surestart childrens centre, they are amazingly helpful places.

Well done for getting yourself and your baby away from this man, and for reporting to the police.

Womens Aid are good for support in this sort of situation.

Have you thought about seeing a solicitor? CAB will be able to advise you on your rights and costs involved (if any).

Violent men very rarely change, sadly. You have done the right thing.

Good luck.

By the way, is he on bail? There should be conditions in place that he doesn't contact you or come near you. If not have you an injunction? If you want to PM me feel free.

Wishing you all the best for the future x

Well done for doing the right thing for you and your child. That would have been the beginning and he never would have stopped. Well done for putting your child first and for being brave and strong. You may face some difficulties times but nothing will be anything near as bad as living with a violent thug who is prepared to frighten his baby like that.

I am glad you posted because there are many women in your shoes who do not leave and you are an inspiration to them.

Hopefull he will go to jail. Do you have to give evidence against him? Your child is better of without him in his life.

he spent two months in prison, then was released on probation. i've never been privy to anymore information than that. i will be going to a solicitors to find out how i can get an injunction, we moved into my new place together a fortnight before this happened.

i was already receiving benefits as a joint claim, income support seems to be working quite quickly in my case, which is good.

if he pleads guilty on thursday then i won't have to give evidence. he admitted it to the police & i'm feeling confident the coward will plead guilty so he gets a less harsh sentence.

I would like to say to anyone reading this, The help is out there!!!

Well, he did plead guilty. He's back in court for sentencing nov 2 5 . He's even spent the grant money! Which I needed for carpets etc.

oops did you leave your finger on the enter button! so glad you are able to get some help, stay strong.

ha ha ha! That's due to the stupid mobile phone I was using! How embarrassing.

Anyhow, I'm feeling much calmer & stronger now the inital shock has gone. The lady from victim support was lovely, she even came round to my house twice. I'll post back after his sentencing.

Hi, i've name changed since i started this post
He ended up with community service and is on probation for another year. I've not seen or heard anything from him! He didn't even send his son a card over xmas or birthday. Oh well, we're much better without him. I'm glad he's not about.

Hi wondering if anyone could help me please??
move come out of a domestic abusive relationship with nothing. Basically homeless from the 5th May of council hasn’t housed me. I’ve applied for a retail trust grant. Has anyone dealt with them before & give me advice on the process! Thank you!!

Hi @Annamaried90

This is old thread. If you start a new thread I'm sure someone will be able to advise you x