It is not fair and I have enought...............

[PARDONNEZMOI]

Namechange here sorry.

I have 2 ds, 6 and 3 and I work from home 4 days a week and have been for 2 years and a half.

I have my own business and dh works as a project manager.

We are both working.

During half term I'm in sole charge of the ds, dh doesnt even know when the school breaks up.

Since saturday I have been feeling shit, flu, teeth ache, vertigo, really feeling shit.

I had to take the time off yesterday as I was really unwell which means losing money. I still had to take care of the ds.

Today, back to work but still feeling unwell, asked dh to stay to look after the ds but he says no unfortunately he couldnt do it. It is not the first time I have asked him and he never helped me.

I earn as much money as him, shouldnt the childcarre shared or his job is more important?

He never takes time off during half term but really happy to take time off for cheap holidays in my family abroad.

What do you think ?

I'm going to show him the thead yes.

I dont want to be a sahm, I want to work and childminding is/was right for me unless dh is going to earn a huge pay rise and it is well discussed etc...Honestly I have nothing agaisnt other people choices, nothing at all..

Please forgive me, I am upset and english is not my first language.

I dont blame you for being upset.

Its not fair.

It got to the stage with my dh that I told him that if he ever put work before our sick child again I would leave him. And I meant it.

No issues since wrt to the dc but I am a different matter!

Take the rest of this week off, I'm a childminder too and there is no way I could do it with so few days odd and being ill on top of it, put the tv on for your ds and get some rest, yes you will lose money and I know that is very hard but you will recover from it, your health is more important than money.

When you are better you need to address the unfairness of the situation but you can only do this when you are feeling better and stronger.

I would also make sure you factor in more holidays, I usually find I need at least 1 week off every 3mths or so otherwise I find it hard to keep motivated and in this job you need to be enthusiastic.

To PARDONNEZMOI DH - Childminding is a hard job and we deserve respect for doing it, you need to support your wife and understand that even though she is at home she is still working very hard and your son is still BOTH of your responsibility. If you possibly can take a day or 2 off this week it will help you all in the long run and your wife will thank you for it and your son will no doubt enjoy some quality time with his daddy.

Personally my DH will come home if he can for things but his boss understands and respects I run my own business and I have clients to please and if I don't I lose part of our income which then affects my DH's mood at work which then impacts on others. So sometimes it is worth him giving my dh permission to leave early or go in later etc. Infact as time has gone on its actually DH who does the running around for my eldest dd1 like last week when she had to be at guide camp for 6pm it was my dh who finished work early to take her because I didn't finish work until 6.20pm, he has also had to change his work hours so he starts at 9am so he can take dd1 to school in the mornings because I need to wait in for my mindees and then take our youngest dd to a different school in the oposite direction.
There have even been times when dh has taken a day holiday and taken our ill dd to his mums for the day so I can still work because we need the money.
Basically it's about working as a family to make it work.

Sorry I lost it. 3 years of it, 3 years of being ignored, 3 years, cant take the time off, I'm completely losing it, he is tyding up, saying nothing, his answer will be to take a pillow and sleep in the sofa and go to work.

I'm completely dizzy with vertigos and it is not the first time, he let me down when I do my best, when I'm not childminding, I'm babysitting, I do my best, I do my best...See I even do my best to spell it right

I try to be a good friend always willing to help, always. I'm sick, I cant even rely on my own husband.

One friend is feeling low without being explicit, I run to her to help her, cheering up, I cant even have that at home

I have frank discussion all the time, what do you do with somewone who is always turning their back on you when you talk, well you trow a chair, your trow a phone,a shoe stand, a mobile phoe

Ask him to leave? Sounds like you would be better off. At least you would not have the upset and stress of him not helping and respecting and are then free to find another man who will deserve you. Also he will have his son for visits so you will actually get a break sometimes!

Sounds like you need to tell him that he either shapes up or ships out I'm afraid.

My (much more intelligent and talented) earns much less than I do (cos of career break and balancing child care) earns much less than I do but I still take my turns to cover/take time off/work from home. Kick him up the bum...hard.

I'm going to go to sleep in the car, where to to draw the line, that what I have asked him

Why should you sleep in the car?