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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

cant do this anymore

11 replies

sobloodysad · 27/10/2010 11:50

i try so hard. i not keen on sex (age etc) but i am trying to get over it. i get very tired but he moan so i stay up later. moans i drink, i have stopped. certain friends he hates, i avaoid seeing them and still he doesnt change. hates people coming to the house, never really contacts his family *they are great) and now saying we can only have his m and d for xmas (we do every year) but not my mum and husband as not enough room, they all very old and talk about the good old days and he will feel like a waiter. we have a large house there is lots of room but he say not enough chairs and he wont sit on the floor!!!!! i say does that mean my mum never come again coz he wont nor me have his m and d on their own and he say no, he will just have to tell his they cant come, i mean it is maddness, when i say he worry me, he becomming mean and god knows what my life be like in 20 years he shout oh ok let them all come i will look happy happy, you are twisting everything, turns over and sulks. i lay awake most of night. i don't know what to do, if i bring it up again we will row and he will sulk for god knows how long.

I will never leave (had the oportunity but would not go).

OP posts:
single1ds · 27/10/2010 11:56

just logged in and saw your post.
you seem very low, you say you cant do this anymore, probably because you cant and fact is you dont need to. how long have you been together sbs? sounds like you could do with some time out

hobbgoblin · 27/10/2010 11:59

you can leave you know, with help. I think it is very wise to leave emotional abuse like this. You ahve described and unfair emotionally distressing situation which I would thus class as emotionally abusive or at least controlling.

blackwidowspider · 27/10/2010 12:14

can I ask why you will never leave?

foxy123 · 27/10/2010 12:57

he sounds very controlling... you only have one life my dear why waste any more time being unhappy with someone like that?

msboogieHallowqueen · 27/10/2010 13:50

well, if you are determined not to leave there's not much we can say. it is up to you if you want to spend your life with this miserable git. You won't get another life.

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 13:53

this is your one shot at life.....i thought i could never leave,but i did...and OMG!!!! there is a whole new life that i could never have even dreamt of!!

sobloodysad · 27/10/2010 14:28

my childrens happiness comes first they are 18 and 14 and would (i know) never forgive me if i left. I have no where to go and i work from home (it is my business premises) so i owul have no money. he can be so nice and i do think he loves me but sometimes it all just to much.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 14:33

so can he leave???

your kids WOULD forgive you...how on earth do you think everyone elses kids cope with break ups??

you could work from new premises. eventually.

whenallelsefailscastspells · 27/10/2010 16:40

sbs - by the way your name is a downer isn't it - I think you are mistaken about your kids.

I have 3 DC similar in age to yours. I left my DH 7 weeks ago and the DC have been amazing. They have helped DH with running the house, taken on lots of responsibility and kept up with school work and social life. The middle one has been upset and tearful but able to talk about it. The oldest gave me a bollocking but understands things had to change. They had all been aware of the awful atmosphere so in a lot of ways they are relieved it is out in the open now. They all want me to be happy.

I chose to move out because DH wouldnt and I didnt want to disrupt family life any more than necessary. That has been hard because I miss them all, and I miss my home, but I am so much happier and haven't laughed as much in years.

It took a lot of planning and thinking through what needed to happen for me to go but there is no time limit, start with small things and do something every day. You will get out!

bundlebelly · 27/10/2010 16:47

Your kids will be aware how unhappy you are, and if he makes them anywhere near as miserable as he makes you then they will avoid him more and more as they get increasingly indepedent. This will probably mean them avoiding you too.
Life is too short to be ground down and crushed by someone else.

Think seriously about your options.

loopylouwitchywoo6 · 27/10/2010 17:10

SBS, are you from an Asian culture? Your husband sounds incredibly controlling, that's not healthy you know. Are you afraid of him? If not can you tell him how miserable you are?

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