how materialistic can a person be????

[stitch]

my sister phoned from abroad to ask if her very good friends sister can stay at my house for a weekish.. she has come to the uk to do a masters, and her accomodation doesnt start till the 26th. she is staying on the sofa of some family friends. well, supposed family friends. they basically dont want her around.
dh says he doesnt want anyone in our house because of the state of the bathroom. and the rest of the house. i think that generosity of heart and mind is more important than the material state of the house. i would invite a guest if i lived in a mud hut. dh says he is not like that. and it matters to him .
Why?
he thinks i am in the wrong. i think he is.

the bathroom functions, just not nice looking, and crappy shower.

I think you are showing a very generous heart and a kind spirit in wanting to do something to help your sister's friend, and I think he's being a miserable git.

If the state of the bathroom is all this is about then tell him to get his act together and fix the bathroom. Sounds to me as if there's more to it than that.

if everything functions it is fine
nothing functions in our house and we still have guests:io

yes, there are other problems as well.

he has been stressing about the bathroom for years.

the kitchen is in a state as well. a couple of years ago i invited all the mom's in ds1's class round for a coffee. he couldnt understand how i could invite people when the kitchen looked like it did. i couldnt believe he was saying such a thing. if people judge me on the size of my house, then they are not really worth being friends with. he didnt understand.

I know it shouldn't matter but I am embarassed if people come to ours when it looks a state. Think I would just try and get over it and invite her though. Tell him he is miserable.

no, not overanalysinng tref.
three years ago he finally got it together to have a new bathroom put in, but i really want to have a drain in the middle of the floor. which witht the extra plumbing will cost another grand, his estimate, not the plumbers.he wanted expensive marble tiles, i dont care what the tiles are like, so long as i can keep them clean and dry and mold/mildew free.
so at the time i said i was perfectly happy with it the way it was and would happily wait till he could afford the extra grand for the drain. i am still happy to wait, which is probly why he is taking so long.

he is always trying to make me feel bad. undermines me in front of the kids. doenst interact with me unless to yell at me. etc etc.