when searching Google for Relationship preblems, this site always comes out quite high with answers. I?m not a mom or even a woman, I?m a Guy (although feel like a boy!) and would appreciate some advice please. Just say the word and I?ll goto Stupidf*ingjerks.com or somewhere if you prefer.
This sounds like a bunch of high school BS, but this is making me crazy and would really appreciate some advice from a gals POV.
The short version ? Guy meets girl, girl and guy becomes very good buddies, girl flirts and tells guy she has feelings for him, guy misses opportunity of a lifetime due to being an immature idiot, guy finally plucks up courage way too late and loses friend.
The very long version
A few months ago I told a really good friend of mine that I was in love with her. She is in a long term relationship (4 years) but not married.
I used to work with her years ago at the same college and we became very good friends. We used to go out quite a lot on work nights and there was some mutual flirting going on. We got on very well though and had a very natural thing and could talk about anything.
She then announced that she was leaving to become a vice principal in another city. At the end of her leaving party, there was just the two of us left waiting for her ride home she was pretty drunk and she put her arms around me and said she had always liked me and maybe we could go out with each other sometime, there was almost a full on kiss but I thought I shouldn?t really take advantage, but said I would like to go out with her, she then got picked up. Even all these years later, I still can?t believe I didn?t take that kiss.
We did go out a short time after, it weren?t really a date, but there was a lot of flirting going on from her, lots of long looks and gazes and kept touching my hand when talking. It was looking quite promising, but a fight started on the table behind us (I thought it was a quiet bar), so we quickly left and the evening just sort of ended. My shyness and inexperience meant I didn?t take it any further than a friendly peck on the cheek.
She then moved away to another city, but we kept in contact with flirty emails and texts, but despite getting, what I perceived as romantic gestures from her, I never took it any further. I never stopped thinking about her though.
Then I moved to another job and didn?t really see her for a year due to the travelling I had to do and she then met her now partner. I moved again to the same city as her and started meeting up with her again about 3 years ago and I realised that I really had to tell her how I felt about her before it was too late or regret it forever-it was wrong I know that. I had to try to overcome my shyness. My lord that sounds so Douchey!
I thought the easiest way to do this would be to write her a letter so that she wouldn?t have the awkwardness of a face to face meeting. So the last time I met her, I gave her the letter. Cowardly S.O.B right?
She sent me an message later saying that she has never been attracted to me and that we cannot really be friends anymore because of how awkward I have made it.
I apologised and that was the last time we have spoken. This was a while ago, but I just can?t seem to get over this. It feels like a combination of the feeling of a break up (even though we were never in a romantic way) and a feeling like the grief I felt when I lost a close relative a few years ago. Its just always with me.
I don?t know whether I would have felt better never asking the question and always wondering, but still remaining friends or telling her and losing her forever. I know this sounds like a little kid writing this, and I really don?t want to feel like this anymore, but it feels like I?m just carrying around a huge boulder of regret.
Do you believe there is a way that we can ever be friends again? Have any of you ever experienced something similar? Is there anyway to rebuild bridges?
I know that we are never going to be together in a romantic way, but I miss her so much as a friend. I think there are people who come into your life and have such an impact on them, that you just can?t imagine what life was like before them.
I know I have got to move on and meet new people, I have tried, but its just always there.
So come on then, knock it out of the ballpark, tell me how much of a Douchebag I am or how much I should just man up!