My friend...

[purplepeony]

I am getting impatient with my best friend.

She has been married for over 20 yrs and unhappy for most of them.

Thankfully this is an anonymous forum, so please don't press me for more than I want to say...I just don'tknow what to say next to her when this conversation crops up again.

Their relationship is very bad. Over 10 years back she had a termination as she thought that her DH would not make a good father. Between deciding to try for a child and becoming PG their relaitonship became worse and she stupidly ( her words) had unprotected sex.

They are emotionally distant, constantly argue and the only way they survive as a couple is that he spneds 85% of his time overseas where he has a flat. They have not had sex for 10 years.

She is constantly feeling sorry for herself, but with no kids and oodles of money and a house worth a fortune, she could start again , IF she could just make the break..
She puts her energies into helping others- bit of community and voluntary work. But it is not enough for her and she says all she wants is to be loved.

He has now the chance of working ina different country overseas and she is thinking it might be nice- but that doesn't solve the issues between them.

I get so frustrated and try to encourage her to leave if that is what she wants. It is such a waste of her life.

I have got to the point where maybe I have to stop asking her about it all as I don't know what to say to her next. She has not a good word to say about him, yet cannot bring herself to end it.

her choice.
set your boundaries - limit the time you talk about this with her.

perhaps she thrives on the discord. Perhaps she is just one of life's malcontents who wouldn't actually know how to be happy.

If her conversation is so draining on you, then don't talk to her about it. Do just say - listen, I've given you all the advice I can, you've made your choice to stay with him and I don't really like hearing you slate him all the time.

See if she has any other conversation.

Well, she admits part of that herself- it's like an addiction.
It doesn't so much drain me as frustrate me, as compared to most people she has enough money to make divorce a doddle financially.

I can't see why either of them stays

• to be told by your wife that she doesn't rate you as a father and then has an abortion is about as bad as it gets surely for a man?

She has loads of conversation, loads of friends, and spends 90% of her time on her own or with friends anyway. I wish she could make the break. What she says is that she doesn't know any couple at all who are really happy, so that is her excuse for staying- no guarantee of anything better out there. All I try to do is make her see that is negative but she won't budge.

I had a friend who was going through marriage problems,I would sit and listen for hours about her troubles, when she told me she was pregnant not long after our last( her crying/ me listening session, she was blissfully happy as if the last year did not happen!! I couldn't get my head round this and said out loud a baby won't make things better!! Result we are no longer friends which is her chioce, my point is these types of friends use us as free therapy, be very careful what you say if you want your friendship to last!!

I had a friend who was going through marriage problems,I would sit and listen for hours about her troubles, when she told me she was pregnant not long after our last( her crying/ me listening session, she was blissfully happy as if the last year did not happen!! I couldn't get my head round this and said out loud a baby won't make things better!! Result we are no longer friends which is her chioce, my point is these types of friends use us as free therapy, be very careful what you say if you want your friendship to last!!

sorry for double post!!!

The next time she starts, I would be very tempted to say 'Boo fucking hoo.'

She sounds like she loves being miserable.