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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

help my son

5 replies

cagedcanary · 25/10/2010 17:42

my son is 10years olds and has been witness to me and his dad fighting terribly for the past 2 years..
his father got someone preganant and i threw him out.. but we fought like cat and dog continuosly, my son saw everything... im so ashamed and disappointed in myself that i allowed my emotions to get the better of me.. the past 2 years has been hell.. (my ex was an abuser)..

im worried that this has scarred my son for life and that his future is doomed.. he holds things inside and isnt a very good communicator...
help please i dont want to loose him to all this crap.. im over the situation with his dad and his dad isnt around us anymore, but on the odd accaion i see him we can fight like crazy so because of this i literally cut him out of my life.. he still sees my son on a regular basis..
all i care about is my son ad im worried that he may become an agressive depressed child .. hes shown no signs but the statics are good for children of violent relationships... help and advice needed ...

OP posts:

DiggeryGravery · 25/10/2010 17:46

I think you're wise to seek help and be concerned that, although he might not seem badly affected, of course he is, and now is the time to act.

I think you need the help of a family/children's counsellor. I have no idea where/how you would find such a person but I expect your GP would be the first place to start.

Original poster

cagedcanary · 25/10/2010 17:48

Thank you.. thats a good idea.. i havent considered our GP.. i will enquire asap as to what help they can provide.

OP posts:

Spero · 25/10/2010 17:51

you should be able to get a referral to your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health services (CAHMS) but the waiting lists can be long. I think you go thru your GP. You can also get a free consultation with a child psychologist through Parentline - call 0808 800 22222.

You are right to be concerned, as the statistics don't paint a happy picture, but your son is not necessarily doomed by statistics, he is still young and there is plenty of time to help him.

But you probably need to also get help for yourself as well so you are in the best place to help him. Go to your GP and get a referral for yourself as well.

If you can get the right therapist/kind of therapy it really can help and you will be able to break the cycle.

kingazanzi · 25/10/2010 23:57

Thinking of you...

lazarusb · 26/10/2010 18:06

My son was 6 when I eventually split with his violent dad. He witnessed some of it. Violence continued for some years after too. He has had a relationship with his dad ever since. I have been worried about my son at times and have talked to school, GP and social workers for support at certain times.
He is 20 now and has grown into a well adjusted, social man who has developed a mutually respectful, loving and kind relationship with a lovely girl. He works full-time and stayed on at school.
I'm sure that, with your awareness and support your son will become ten times the man his father was. Never be afraid of talking to him honestly and get outside if you ever feel you need it. You are a great Mum, that is what he really needs. [hsmile]

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