Please help - I am so sad and it's all my fault

[cumbria81]

I am so unhappy and feel I have ruined my life and I just don't know what to do any more.

In May this year I decided I wanted to split up with my DP of 7 years. There are no children involved (yes, I know I shouldn't be on mumsnet as I am childless but I like it!). I had felt restless for around 5 months. Our relationship had become stale, we took each other for granted, had not had sex for 2 years and I was sick and tired of being the boring, responsible one who did all the housework.

I wanted a break from him, from my life, and, at the time, the thought of separating seemed exciting - as though new possibilities would open.

I moved out, got my own place and tried to get on with my life. Whilst I will admit that I love living by myself (it's so nice and CLEAN!) I miss my DP awfully. I feel I made completely the wrong decision, I should have at the very least stayed, talked things through and tried to work it out.

I feel as though I am cracking up. I am in tears all the time thinking of everything I have thrown away. I had a great relationship with his family and miss that too. I just wish more than ANYTHING I could undo it all.

We still spend time together as friends, but ntothing more. I have asked him to give me a second chance but he says that whilst he still feels things for me, he is not sure he can forget the fact I walked away and left him. Maybe he will change his mind - maybe he won't, but until I know for sure I'm in limbo.

I feel so wretched. I want him back, I want us back and I don't know how to go about fixing this mess.

I had friends who split though I don't know why. They saw each other as friends but eventually one said it had to be all or nothing. They are now married with children.

Maybe have a break from seeing him as a friend. Give him a chance to properly miss you. Don't get back together without a serious talk though as there must have been a reason you didn't have sex for 2 years and just moving back in won't help.

Of course, time apart might show you you are both better off without each other and by then hopefully you will have started to move on and be in a better place to know what you want when you do meet someone else.

I can't say I blame him for not trusting you to not up and leave again when you are bored.

No sex for 2yrs? doing all the house work?

Honey, what you miss is not your XP, is A DP.

You need to work through this, your relationship died, you have to accept than and move on.

Sit down and look at the bit you like in your life and work out where you want to be. Look at you, not you + A.N. Other. You need a little more YOU time, to work out who you are without this X of yours.