I'm early into the process of getting a divorce but am already dating. When should I tell guys about it? ASAP or wait a bit?

[Banks]

On the one hand, I don't want to lie. On the other hand, I don't want to scare someone I really like away! Also, do you think that men who have never been married will view a divorced woman (even one their own age) differently than a woman who has never been married?

Put it this way - how would he feel when he evntually does find out? He will think that you don't trust him. If he's worth the trouble then he'll look past the divorcee label. Who hasn't got emotional baggage?

Well, I don't really trust him yet, it's only been one date so far! I do really like him, however, and don't want to make him run before we really know if we like each other.

Banks, I completely understand where you're coming from. If the boot was on the other foot, though, would you want to know if, say, he was divorced, or had kids, but didn't trust you enough to tell you from the start? If he's a nice bloke, he'll hopefully be interested enough in you to stick around. I do think honesty in this case is the best policy. Good luck with this.

Why should he be scared away by a divorce its hardly uncommon is it ? As to how you may be viewed differently because you are divorced I presume you mean differently as in negatively ? Well tbh if someone viewed me in a worse light simply because I am divorced then good riddance.

I hope you wont be offended however if I suggest you go easy on the detail of your split at first because your story is quite complex as I recall from your thread a little while ago.

MrsColumbo, good point. I guess I would want to know and I would feel odd that he had concealed it. But do you think that maybe I could say I'm just getting out of a long term relationship and avoid the D word?

gettingeasier, I dunno why he should but I feel like some men would. I like your spunk in this matter, but I am just a bit worried about it as I really like this guy.

Oh, I am not offended at all. I think that I will probably never tell my new partner the whole story. Full disclosure is not really always necessary. But some is. I'm just trying to figure out the middle ground.

Just because he doesn't want to be with someone who is still married - not long into the divorce process, either - or has kids does not make him not a nice person.

Some people really don't want that.

When I was last single, I was separated for 2 years, then divorced, but after dating a bit, I really did not want to go out with a guy who was just split up except for flings because I was at a different point in my life.

And, being childfree, I defintely did not want someone with kids because step-parenting wasn't for me.

That didn't make me a not nice person, just someone who didn't want that.

Depending on age, however, some people want someone who's not been married before.

Also, tbh, if you're just split up, it's not a good time to be looking at dating beyond flings. Just my opinion, but something that comes up if you go to counselling and really, not matter how long it's been coming, divorce is a loss with lots of feelings that really needs to time to heal from before you launch into another meaty relationship.

I'm going to say please be straight with whomever you're dating.

I was at the point where I asked right away: Are you married, separated, divorced, just out of a long-term relationship? Do you have kids?

If I'd have been lied to, it would be a sign that's not the person I need to spend more time with, because they need to be confident enough to trust others to use their own judgment nad not take it personally if the other person isn't interested in a relationship with them at present.

Expat's right, Banks, whic you probably suspect given that you asked the question in the first place. You are right to be sparing on the details in the early stages, or he might think you're going to cry on his shoulder -if he does stick around then that conversation will come later, and he will be happy for you to cry on his shoulder.
I agree that being divorced shouldn't be viewed any differently from if you announced that you had just got out of a long-term relationship, but the fact is that it is, unfortunately. I don't know the details of your marriage break-up, but when your ex gets wind of the fact that you have moved on, there is the potential that ex and current will meet (even if it's not this particular bloke, it will happen someday because you will meet someone who you deserve who will treat you like a princess). You don't want your ex to be the one to break the news.