This is long Im afraid and Im a regular who has namechanged.
I met my husband 16 years ago when I was a lone parent to two young children..we fell in love very quickly but having just come out of a marriage after his wife had an affair..he wasnt ready for a long term commitment
after 3 years of what I can honestly say were incredibly happy times..I felt that I really needed the relationship to move on..for both mine and the childrens sake and persuaded him to move in with him..in order to do this he sold his house which he had actually been born in and therefore held a lot of memories for him and I felt that he was unhappy to do this...
I never doubted that he loved me but there were a lot of deep seated issues for him where he had lost people he loved..inc his mum and baby sister who were killed in a car accident he was also in (as a baby himself) and I think he deliberately put baarriers up to stop himself getting hurt.
We got married a year after he moved in with me..more because I wanted to I think..but he told me on our weddiing day that it had been the best day of his life and he was so happy to be married to me..
our now almost 10 year old som followed quickly afterwards and thats when problems began..
first I developed post natal depression and as a result put weight on..secondly..because of my depression..I couldnt go back to work and we ended up taking out a loan with a rip off company who we hadnt realised had secured it against our house which at the time had a tiny mortgage..
things then improved as I recovered from PND and went back to work when I unexpedtedly fell pregnant again..I felt great during my pregnancy, however when I was about 6 months pregnant I noticed my husband appeared depressed and distant..he did appear to be besotted with our daughter when she was born and things were looking up..then disaster struck..I became very ill and nearly died and suddenly my husband was working and caring for a new baby as well as the other children..I was told I would never fully recover and my own misery meant that I emotionally pushed my husband away..
18 months later..I was struck down with another illness which nearly killed me..my husband did not think I was that ill and did not get me to hospital..hence I nearly died..
I struggled to come to terms with it..thinking that he could not possibly love me..and put up emotional shutters myself..
the answer we decided was that he should apply for a job near to my family where I was from and make a fresh start..however we gave up on this happening and remortgaged our house and had it renovated..just as this happened..he was offered a job near my family..
we were torn as to what to do but I persuaded him to take the job..it was obvious he didnt want to and I was so upset I emotionally blackmailed him into taking it saying I would leave him if he didnt..
subsequently our new start wasnt quite the new start we hoped as we were barely communicating..financial problems built and we ended up selling our house and moving into rented last year..
feeling as though my marriage was over..I took comfort in communications with an old boyfriend..he said things to me that I wanted to hear from my husband and made me feel good about myself for the first time in ages 
..I knew I didnt want him but I met up with him and almost slept with him...feeling so horrific about myself..I told my husband..
who was devastated..it seemed he had always loved me and was bereft at what Id done..instead of going for counseling..we swept it under the carpet, jumped into bed and I fell pregnant..
everything seemed ok while I was pregnant and I convinced myself that this little one would heal everything..however about 3 months after she was born..I noticed my husband was distant and I plunged into unhappiness again..Ive always suffered from anxiety and had a tendancy to be panicky and anxious whilst my husband was the strong one..I started ripping him to pieces, ringing him at work and yelling at him..I felt so alone..I went back to work when the baby was 4 weeks and I felt exhausted..one day I had what can only be described as a mini breakdown and smashed the kitchen up before collapsing in a heap..my eldest son went to fetch his da who calmly came home and told me to go out somewhere...after that he barely spoke to me and if I spoke to him it was to rip his head off..3 weeks ago.he said he didnt think he loved me anymore
the point we are at now is that he says he does not think he has fallen out of love with me but feels dead inside, miserable and depressed and is going to see a GP..he said I stopped making him happy and he started to question his love for me when he realised he couldnt cope with my outbursts anymore..he says he does not want to walk away and wants us to start again..
we have slept together and cuddle on the sofa..DH says Im a nicer person at the moment and he likes coming home right now..but in my heart of hearts Im wondering if there really is a future for us..webe talked about my unfaithfullness and hes admitted that it destroyed him..I wonder if he put emotional barriers up because of it..
I love him..I cant imagine life with anyone else..