Should I leave my boyfriend while pregnant? Advice please!

[salsaprincess]

Hi Everyone,

I'm a newbie here so apologies if I'm not doing this right.

Basically I'm nearly 4 months pregnant and my bf has been both aggressive and (verbally) abusive towards me since I found out about the pregnancy.

The problem is he's 12 years older, already has 2 kids from previous married, has HUGE debts and an even bigger amount of bitterness towards his ex wife.

Because he feels so bad about his previous marriage, he is completely intolerant towards me and regularly threatens to leave me over tiny things (often completely misunderstandings).

He makes me cry so often I'm worried it will affect my unborn child and he's left me feeling like I'm unlovable or not worthy of love. That said, I'm scared of coping as a single parent, emotionally, practically and financially.

Help! :(

Thanks everyone - I really appreciate your thoughts - don't feel so alone now :)

@ Precious -No I haven't heard his ex's side of the story which is why I've been very careful not to judge - sadly that only aggravates my bf more.

I was wondering...does anyone know of a really good couple's counsellor? For my own peace of mind I want to give this relationship my all before I decide to go it alone. And if after that we do decide to part, hopefully it will help us part more amicably which I'm sure would be easier for us and our child.

Ps. We have been offered couple therapy through the NHS but as we both freelance we calculated we'd lose much more money attending appointments in the daytime than paying for private counselling in the evenings, and as debt worries are part of our problems we decided against it.

Does anyone know of affordable counselling that takes place in the evening?

Thanks in advance.

get out of it now,it sounds awful. The fact that you are even thinking about it,means it is not right. end it sooner rather than later,before you bring a child into this hell

I would leave. I brought up both my kids as a single mother - there is help out there for you wrt benefits etc.

One thing I would point out is that if you end up having to have a c/s as I did with my first, you will find it physical difficult for the first couple of weeks - you may need someone to come and stay with you, or at least come round every day - you won't be insured to drive for six weeks - although I drove after two - which was naughty but I had no choice.

My mum came and stayed with me for the first two weeks.

With my second I had a normal birth and it was physically easier.

You might want to consider who you would have as a birth partner - it's not essential, I didn't have a birth partner for my first, but again, my mum stayed with me for the entire 30 hours of labour with my second and kept me topped up with water - that gas and air makes your mouth very dry.

Do you have a good friend who would serve?

Being a single parent to a new baby is difficult at times, but not impossible - and infinitely preferable to living with an abusive partner at this most vulnerable time in your life.

Salsa - I'm sorry but i really don't believe counselling is the way to go when you have an abusive partner (and he is emotionally abusive).

Relationship counselling is all about giving both of you the time and space to express your feelings freely, not to deal with and 'treat' abusive behaviour. There is counselling out there specifically for abusive partners, but would he be happy to do that? Could you even ask him? I would imagine not.....

I completely understand why you want your child to be brought up as part of a happy family, but the only way that is going to happen is if you leave him, give yourself time to heal, then meet somebody who is worthy of you and your baby. Abusive men do not usually change, they just get worse. Please, if you do not leave him now, make plans in your mind for if you need to, get as much outside support as you can, and keep your eyes open wide.