SHOULD I WALK AND LEAVE HIM....

[yorkshiregirlto4]

The thing is i love him... well think i do.
We have a baby but live seperate as he likes being alone (never goes out hardly at all, we do the deed once a month and always thats asks... he never seems interested at all. I do want more but he will not commit... during the week we text loads but because i am busy with kids and work we see one another for 1o mins at a time and thats it.
He has our baby aged 2 3 nights aweek and is excellent with him.

I think inside my heart tells me to leave him for good and walk as i as person needs love and support and athough sends me nice texts etc to say heloves me and nice things we cannot have a phone relationship can we...

Please he is poorly with bad joints and ra but if he really wanted us he wouls spend time with us.

I met somedody at work and while not dating aas such he makes me feel valued and has rrespect for what i do in my life and it is lovely.... please just tell me once and for all to walk away... i know it will hurt but i cannot go on no more like this. T he not going out etc does not bother me but i have recently talked and suggested we have some adult quality time maybe a night away some where nice and meal but he nevers agrees or says yes or no...

not much point to the post but do you think this is normal...

How often do you actually see him?

every day probaly for 1o mins and chat lots and text. x thanks for replying.

It's not really a relationship, is it. He is showing absolutely no commitment to you. As hard as it will be at first, you need to walk away and find someone who loves and values you, someone who actually wants to commit. You're obviously not happy, otherwise you wouldn't be asking, would you?
Good luck x

I'm going to be really blunt here. It doesn't sound like you are in a relationship.

10 minutes a day
No overnight stays
He looks after your ds 3 nights a week, without you there.
You are the one who initiates sex, once a month.

He won't commit to spending time with you.

You sound like a couple that has already split up.

It's not normal. People in a relationship want to spend time with each other.

Hello yes I agree.. i rang him today to see if wanted to come out with us for lunch but he could not be bothered, but saying that he never goes no where and uses his ra as an excuse and while i know it makes him very tired and in pain in the moring there is no reason at all to not make more of an effort. I do deserve to be respected and loved and dont get anything from him.

It will be hard i know but going to be strong and do it.. its been like this for over a year now. Its not normal but then guess hes not normal.

Thanks x

This relationship is utterly dead.

Make it official and end it for good. He is the father of your DC, so important that he is involved. All you need to do is cut out the flufy texts and the sex, and you have a great relationship with an EX.

Sooner you sort this out, the sooner you can work towards having a proper relationship.

IMPORTANT: give yourself time to be alone, don't rush into anything with a new P, you need to get to know yourself first, work out what you are worth. Looks likely you have a pretty low self esteem due to all of this.

yes I do I guess but have a new job to start after Christmas, doing a degree also and only recently started all these things. I also have been living a life of nver going out or having fun no more as always thought if he loved me the going out did not matter... We are best as freinds I know we are so will meet him in the week and tell him so as jiust cannot go along with this sort of relationship no more. Like i have said previous we have chats then everything all rosey and he comes up and helps and we meet etc but then it goes stale after that and he just cannot be bothered. I so want that comitment and to feel loved, wanted and respected and he does nothing of that all so you are correct in saying it is over. I have no intention at all jumping from one to another but to be honest lived a life on my own for the past year or so anyway.

Thanks for advise I appreciate it and it makes me realsie he he no longer in love with me and i have to accept it.

So have the talk.... nothing needs to change apart from the texts and the sex...

Easiest break up ever!

yes going to tell him.. wer have had this talk before aqnd then when I drop the baby off he touches me or me him and we kiss and say we love one another... dont laugh .. I have to focus on the future not just meaning a new relationship but for me to find me like you say. I do still love him as miss him when not with me and hate it when he does not ring or text me but guess thats just a habit.

I have to think if this man really loved me like he loved his ex wife he would want to spend time with me, spend time
'togther' with our baby instead alone and would reszpect me for what I do ( i have four children 3 from previous relationship) and i work damn hard.

Thanks for replying you wrote what I wanted to hear and what I though.

Mentally you have not been allowed to live on your own, you have been tied to this long distance relationship....

Give yourself some time to make sure you mourn this relationship properly, and recognise why you are worth more than 10m a day, and a shag once a month...

THEN you will be ready!

I have to admire you for not resenting this life, it was more than I could achieve.

It'll be OK Yorkshire, you are half way there mentally, the day to day won't be that different, but slowly you will see that you are doing the right thing.

Limbo is awful.

awww thanks so much.. it does hurt and yes will miss him but I cannot change him into a prson he is not. He likes his own space and independence.. not interested ever of going out. I think the past couple of monthes I have been brought down further and further to a point I did not know who I was so made a decision to get more involved away from the relationship and to go for a meal with freinds and join various organisations. You know it was hard work but felt good as felt I was repected and wanted by people for the first time in a long time. I have a disabled child also that takes alot of my time up so it is hard and all he does is just sit on the dofa doing nothing 24 hours a day.
I think he is a lazy man now and hiss illness used as an excuse. When we first met within months he said he loved me and wanted to move in etc but that was before he was ill with rhumatoid and we used have a drink and a laugh but now he he is tea total but just so boring.

I wont go on no more but thank you so very much for taking time to reply as it made me relaised wasting my life on a man who does not ever want me properly. My children also deserve soem form of security too long term and i try my best to deliver this to them.

Thanks

Honey, this is not about YOU and YOUR not being adequate enough for him to love you.

This man has a stand by carer, he has a child and sex once a month, but without actually having to do ANYTHING in return.

He IS a lazy arse, He IS making excuses.

Your posts show he has eroded more of your confidence than you first admitted to.

Take my advice, end it and be very kind to yourself, give yourself time to have fun, time to enjoy your DC, and time to be alone and get to know the wonderful YOU that you are.

Takes a heck of a person to do all that you are doing, you are so much stronger than you think.

Proof of that is that in the short time you HAVE looked outside the relationship to broaden your life, everyone has reacted warmly to you and shown you they respect you.

I know you will be OK, and very soon. Believe in yourself, you are so close to seeing the way forward!

Aw you are so sweet and made me feel good. I also have a daughter living at home whose bbay needs a heart transplant so have lots to do you know... he was one last week and even though invited to the party at home never turned up until I rang him to come and then came ate the food and went and left me it all to tidy it. He does run my mother around a little though saying that.. he rang her home etc to help out.

Before I posted on here I said did he want me to make him a Sunday dinner for him and his son and he never replied but told him to go tohis mothers to use her phone or internet there to ring/text me but has made no effort at all to ring me or contact or drive up to see us yet again. I am ill today should not really be on here with vertigo and also text him to say had a terrible night up all night with his child in the hope he may say he would come and get him but gain no where to be seen so like you say it says everything doesn't it.

He can do what he wants but guess we dont come into the equation. He did three years ago actually sell his house to move in but then backed off saying his son not redy but think it was him to be honest. His son is very naughty and the father no ground rules at all and runs circles and if it was not for me he would be locked up at 12 beleive me but I am now like you say step bck and just let him get into trouble.
Again thanks for replying and what you say is so so true.. he does not love me like I want.
I have just been a walk with the kids and my motehr into town and see couples with babies together just enjoying and 'wanting' to be togther in each others compnay and find it sad we never get no time at all togther alone or as a family. There have been plenty of times where he has been alone and the kids at school/work/uni etc and he could of rung me and said come round even if for a nice chat and cuddle and maybe lunch but again nothing...

Okay wont post no more.. I am under stress I know and it is very hard work keeping four children and a poorly grandson but i exist and that is about it now.My eldest child is behind everything I do re starting work 2 days and doing my degree (ou degree).

Thanks so much. I feel happier and can think straight now and forward... wish could get rid of this dizziness.

Good luck Yorkshire girl. Enjoy Uni and your new job. It could be just the new start you need.

Bloody Hell Girl, no wonder you are dizzy!!

I think you have actually had a luck escape! Thank God he didn't move in! Think of the trouble you'd have getting him out!

Read this thread back, see what you have written and see what advice you would give...

You'll agree with the rest of us!!

yes agree fully and this week going to end us once and for all as like you all say how can he love me and treat me with no love or respect. He came up tonight to tell me he has been illk all day and wants to go away and sort a holiday out. No not having it no more and notr going to be walked over either.. i am going to put me and family first. Would love to Mr Right but not if ihave the energy bfor a relationship but you never know do... thanks all for putting everything into perspective. It will be hard to have no ties but really what do i have now at the end of the day.
I am only human and want some sort of normality but guess with him this will never happen...