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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

im so upset!

12 replies

lissieloucifer · 23/10/2010 16:48

My teitze's has been horrendous for the past two weeks. my ribs are swollen and bruised, another rib popped out this morning which made me sick. I am practially inhaling my painkillers and they are barely touching the pain.

I am not going to get better. only worse. eventually my spine will become deformed and I will be unable to walk at all. I have lost the use of my left hand and my right shoulder is stiff. dh had to dress me today.

my mum and stepdad came over to see ds while dh was at football. my stepdad has never worked because he has a bad back. my mum has fybromyaligia and is hugely, hugely overweight. as a result my stepdad pushes her round in a wheelchair (so his back is well enough to do that) and is unable to work as her carer.

they came in, mum asked how i am. my usual response is "im ok thanks, you?" then i get an hour long monologue about how ill she is. today i said "shit tbh, im in so much pain i can barely breathe and im scred about getting the injection" (which will be into cartilige to reduce swelling, its the next step in pain relief) and burst into tears she said "oh... yes, Ive got a trapped nerve and cant move my neck" I smiled then went to make us a drink. i had to call my sd to fill the kettle for me because it was too heavy. i made drinks and talked to them for a bit. im not much company, pills make me stupid, i feel sick and im in a lot of pain.

when they went I said "thank you for coming, sorry I wasnt much company" to which sd replied "if i moaned as much as you i'd never shut up"

fucking fucker. my whole life he has moaned about how ill he is. refused to work and blamed everyone he can for everything. he abused me for as long as i can remember, and blamse his short temper on being ill/not working/me being a vile brat everything. i try not to moan (admittedly, i have a lot this past 2w, but this is a particularly bad flare up) and the first time im honest about how bad i am, im rebuked for moaning.

twat.

OP posts:
SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 23/10/2010 16:52

:(
sorry
but he's an idiot, you know he is

lissieloucifer · 23/10/2010 16:57

i know he is. just been on the phone to mil in tears asking her if im moaning too much etc, she said that i wasnt and she sees me everyday so know how bad i really am.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 23/10/2010 17:03

He sounds awful

Am sorry you are in so much pain

lissieloucifer · 23/10/2010 17:09

he is awful, im still scared of him now. which is ridiculous, given that im 32!

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 23/10/2010 17:13

what an arse. stupid ignorant prick

don't let him in the house again.

lissieloucifer · 23/10/2010 17:16

im really upset about it, he has no idea how humilliating it is to be dressed by your dh (especially when you are on your period [hblush]) while your ds watches.

OP posts:
SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 23/10/2010 17:58

If he has abused you and been like this to you all your life and you are still scared of him, why is he still in it? What's your mum's take on this, and how is she towards you?
Your MIL sounds like she knows what she's talking about. Let her help take care of you.

lissieloucifer · 23/10/2010 18:20

my mum is just as awful tbh, i moved out of home when i was 14 and have cut them out of my life several times but when i had ds i decided to give them the chance to be grandparents. i didnt meet my real dad til i was 16 and was told all my life that my mums mum had died 40y ago, when in fact she died 13y ago. i know that makes me weak, but i dont want to lose my brothers again either.

OP posts:
PeppermintPasty · 23/10/2010 18:26

i don't know your back story but just wanted to send you a hug. no bloody wonder you're upset. all the best to you xx

lissieloucifer · 24/10/2010 11:32

thank you. dh is furious and wants us to cut all ties with them now.

OP posts:
DiggeryGravery · 24/10/2010 11:38

Your dh is right.

It's laudable that you wanted to give them the chance to be grandparents, but they have blown it. How horrible it must be for your ds to see them be nasty to you.

Can you keep in touch with your brothers while avoiding your mum and stepfather?

ZombieChickensHaveNoMercy · 24/10/2010 11:47

I agree with your DH. I understand how hard it is to give up on having a good relationship with your parents, but ultimately you can't change their behaviour. They sound utterly, utterly vile, and you need to focus on your own health and well being. They are takers, and will suck you dry. Your DC will not benefit from a relationship with these people, they can only do harm. Take care.

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