Is it possible to marry your best friend and hope the sex bit happens eventually?

[oneofsuesylvesterscheerios]

My first marriage was based on this (note the first )

Ex = best friend, we wanted to stay together so got it together. sex tapered off after a couple of years and we lived like brother and sister. Eventually we split up but it took us ages because we loved each other so much. No kids.

Conversely, I fancied the pants off dh right from the word go. The 'friendship' side of things developed from there and we've been together 13 years. Sex life still great and he's a much much more suitable partner and brilliant dad. 2 kids.

I ask because friends of mine are a bit like this at the moment - best friends abd really well-suited in nearly every way but one wants more. Can it ever work out?

Nope no way, if you dont fancy them then no matter how much you love him the spark will never 'happen'..

i think you're probably right. If the spark was there they wouldn't be able to keep their hands off one another. And it clearly isn't there as they spend loads of time together but it's very platonic.

dp married his best friend.

the marriage didn't last, but luckily the friendship did and she is now godmother to dd2

I don't think you should ever make a commitment on the basis that something might change. Especially something as fundamental as sexual attraction. Sadly, it's the one who "wants more" who has to recognise it - if they're wanting more than this relationship can offer, it can be hard to let go of the hope. But, if you think about it, it's quite insulting to their partner isn't it? They're saying DP isn't quite enough for them: the kindest thing to do is let them go and find someone who thinks they are good enough - and free themselves for a future partner who really meets their needs.

I have spent far too long looking and settling for what i felt was 'the one' and imagining i had the spark.. I had pretty much resigned myself to never finding it or him and consoled myself with toxic and risque relationships, not recommended...
however i have recently found my 'one' and totally my spark and i can tell you the realisation of what it can be is just amazing!!

that's very sad samay - sorry to hear that for all concerned.

doesn't look great for them does it? Or rather I should say doesn't look great for her does it? as she's the one who holds the torch.

No, it can never work in my opinion. Chemistry and attraction are a massively important part of any healthy relationship. I once settled for a man I only fancied a bit because he had so many other qualities I valued and because I believed he would make a great partner. Unsurprisingly the sex tailed off after only a year or so and we split six years later.

My advice to anyone would be not to settle, unless they are happy to live in a sexless marriage.