am i a bitch feel so sad

[wornoutbyarguing]

oh dear just need someone to say im not
left my ex h 4 months ago after a very miserable marriage,,spent most of it on antideppressants and valium ...my ex was a porn addicet with a fixation on massage parlours,teenage hookers and obessive internet porn.....it killed our marriage and i didnt love my husband for about 3 years
after 10 years i just coudlnt take anymore and moved out,,,divorce going thru

i love my new life my 2 dds are so happy too,

i recently started dating a new guy whos everything my husband isnt ,,,i dont want to compare them,,,but life is so much more fun,,,i dont know whwere it will go but he treats me like a goddess its so wonderful and i am enjoying every minute of it....

my problem is my ex now he knows about this guy he is is in pieces,depressed crying all the time begging me to take him back,not going to work,texting ,phoning emailing all the time distraght......i feel like a mega evil bitch that ive done this to him ,,,

im sure other peoples exes have done the same but he needs to move on ,,,,,he didnt care how much he hurt me or cheated on me when we were together but now,,,,i feel manipulated ,stifled by him ...just needed somewhere to ramble xxx

How awful

No, you're not a bitch, not in the slightest, you are doing the very best thing for your daughters.

Is there any way you could get him to stop calling? Change your email address, or tell him you have - you could change your number and keep one phone just for his calls regarding the girls - set a limit on when he can call.

He has no right to do this, in fact it could be construed as harassment if he continues once you've made it clear it's not welcome.

Can you get your other half to have a strong word? Honestly - there's no reason you should listen to his crap. He put you through it for ages already and can't seem to stop blaming you for his miserable life, even now. It's his problem - he needs to grow up.

oh thank you u have no idea how much those words u wrote meant,,,,
i hate hurting peoples feelings but i need to be firm with him and set some boundaries for visits phoning ,,,,what a bloody pickle xxxxx

Had exactly the same problem as you - exH would come to where I was working, in tears, to tell me how sorry he was, couldn't we just try again, he would change...all of it pure bullshit. Stand your ground - you are certainly not being a bitch, but doing the right thing by protecting your DDs and yourself by getting out of such a toxic situation. Be firm with him - he will be looking for any chink in your armour to exploit mercilessly.I found that mentioning legal action was also helpful in getting exH to back the fuck off. You will be so glad when you look back in the years to come that you called time on your ex. Lots of luck with your new man - you deserve it.

Wornout, no you are not being a bitch. I'm sure that in the 10 years you were married your Exh had plenty of chances to change his behaviour.

You did the best thing for you and your DDs.

Can you speak to your Exh and tell him you only want to speak to him re the girls (assuming he is still in contact) and if he persists you will be forced to see about an injunction for harassment!

Stay strong and continue to enjoy your new relationship.

thank you ,ladies
i might try the legal thing next time he phones,hopefully ,x

OK love, you have to take back control of your life, this is harrassment, it is an attempt at manipulation and control.

I don't agree with asking your P to have a word, that's likely to end in an arguement or possibly a fight.

Change your email, phone and mobile details. Get a PAYG mobile for contact re the DC only.

Do this and if he still hassles you, get legal advice to stop him.

you are NOT being a bitch.

Don't you dare spend another second stressing about this sorry cockmuncher. You have a life to lead, and it sounds good. And change your name to something cheerful! [hgrin]

agree with what everyone else said

buy a PAYG phone, and use that for communication about the children

tell him all other txts/calls will be ignored

he is harassing you and your next step will be to contact the police

keep your new partner out of it, except to be open about how your ex is not leaving you alone

good luck x

If I were you new BF I'd be popping around for a word (unless you told me not to). In which case I'd be imagining popping around for a word while getting very cross indeed.

He's not worth your (or anyone elses) time.

If you contact the police and explain the situation, they can serve something called a First Stage Harassent Order on him. They have a chat with him and get him to sign the document saying he won't contact you again unless it's regarding the children and only in a specified way- eg. email.

He won't get into any trouble if he sticks to it and you won't have to put up with the crap anymore.

You are not a bitch.
You are strong.
You are fabulous.
You did not wake up one morning and just had the idea to end your marriage..
You tried to make it work

I'm in a similar situation.
Call WA, they are brilliant. I did, they make you realise you do have 'power', you are not helpless, you are a person in your own right and you don't have to put up with this.

Take care.