Hellish relationship advice wanted

[Aloneinthehouse]

Hi

with reference to this thread what should I do and do you have any advise?

well he has just sent me a TEXT (FFS) You're a good person, but it's clear you don't love me anymore. What do we do now?

He is in the bedroom

And he sends me a fucking text

And I dont love him, I put up with all of his shit, I try to be patient and understanding and get walked over by him I am his live in slave

And I am the one at bloody fault!

angry but crying now

Hi

Don't want you to go unanswered. Don't text back - you are adults. You know him better than anyone so go and talk to him. I can't offer much advice (there are others more qualified and experienced than I on here) but I feel for you.

I suspect you know the solution already... it's probably time to go isn't it? If you feel/know you've tried everything.... I'm sorry, I must admit I haven't read all of your previous thread. Just wanted you to know you weren't alone here.

Thank you PLHM if he wants to talk like adults I am only down the hall :(

He is seriously up himself.

I see where you're coming from, I've been there (sort of) but there's a pride in being the better person?? If you don't love him or it's just the anger talking, it'll determine what you do next. Wish you were getting better advice than this!

Would he talk like an adult though? I mean, would he go to Relate and work on the relationship in a grown up and serious way? Is he the sort of person who would rather be right/win an argument than be kind? Or can he resist that sort of urge?

He sounds quite angry, quite entitled, and lets that affect how he deals with situations with the children -- not a good sign.

Okay, have read through the thread. OP, you wanted relationship advice... it looks like you're at an impasse. One of you has to make the first move. The pressures of being young (no offence intended) married and with DCs is taking it's toll. If counselling is for you, take it up. If he's amenable, you should both go. If this isn't a road you want and you don't love him, start making plans to go.

You may feel you can sort it out without some kind of mediation (he's texting from down the hall ffs!) But the bottom line is, do you want this relationship? And are you happy?

No to all of the above, I feel dead in the relationship, I dread the weekend as I know he will be about, I make plans to get myself and the boys out of the house to stay away from him

He is not intereseted in counselling and indicates it is me who needs mental help

Firstly, you don't need mental help. Believe that. You are feeling sad and helpless - totally normal.

Is there somewhere you can go for a short while? Parents or similar with the DCs giving you time to think? You need to share this with people in RL.

Maybe he was trying to call your bluff with the text. He won't realise the damage which has been caused. I will never believe a person can stay with someone they don't love, however it definitely sounds as if you need some time to yourself.

Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.

Thank you very much for your support tonight x

You're welcome. Stay strong x

Why on earth should you be expected to 'love' someone who thinks of you as a domestic servant and nanny he can have sex on occasionally?

Alone, you have been together for such a long time. Being with him has been part of your growing up. Maybe it is time for you to realise that you and he have grown apart. If he will not accept that you may need professional help, then perhaps should realise that you need to leave him and move on.

You are now an adult and parent, if he chooses not to be, then do you stay behind with him, or forge on ahead doing what you need to, without him holding you back?

Sounds as if you have much more maturity than he does. Take a look at this and see if you can see him in any of the descriptions.

math, I can see him in several descriptions, I kind of accept that its over its just hard to say it.

He went to sleep without speaking to me and is still in bed (normal behaviour when he is not heading to work)

I am dreading the rest of the day

I'll stand by my advice last night - don't stay at home feeling shit and go to a friend or family member. If he's stewing in bed, let him.

I must say the child in me would be tempted to text him saying 'Actually I don't love you, what are you going to do now?' But don't do that!

Bless you, you sound very down. I'm not surprised :(

If you see your H in the out-of-the-fog site, you're not talking about a man who's somewhat immature but a person with faulty wiring. There is very little that can be done, and very little likelihood he'll see any need to change. I'm really cross about that text! Not only because he even sent it, the twerp, but for you're a good person. WTF? He's taken you to court, tried you and found you guilty with mitigating factors! Honestly, he sounds like a loon.

How are you fixed for supportive friends & family? Any chance you could take the kids and stay with someone who gives a shit? I suspect a shot of normality will do you the world of good.

TBH I have no one I have plenty of people that I know, but not that I would rely on to have me, and I wouldnt stay with my mother as we really dont get on, the only ones who support me are his parents and I can't deal with that stress.

PLHM I am fairly tempted but that wouldnt help :)

He has taken the kids out to see his PIL (something he has never done before, I didnt want to go) and he unplugged the internet!! luckilyy I have a basic knowledge of the router sysem and fixed it but I mean wtf

Typing this all out has made me realise why the hell am I still here, and I have started looking at rightmove as I wouldnt want to stay in this house

Rightmove is a move in the right direction, imo. Unplugging the internet is absolutely not on. Has he been tracking you on the computer? Spending more time than usual?

The CAB could help you sort out what you can do and maybe what you're entitled to by way of assistance. See if you can talk to a solicitor for a free half hour.