Ashamed of Baby and Me or The Way He's Acted? (Long Sorry)

[ScMacBt]

Guess i've finally had enough and need to get an opinion from people who aren't already involved in the situation....

Baby due in Feb, ex didnt want me to proceed with pregnancy but once i made it clear i was keeping baby he was fine and agreed to be there for baby etc and our relationship stayed on really good terms. About a month ago he decided he didn't want his family, friends etc to know about the baby which i found strange but as its his family had to say okay thats your decision. Then through friends of friends it got out i was pregnant, i told him to deny everything as it was no-ones business, since then he's been nothing but nasty or just completely ignoring me. I'm apparently the bad guy in all this and its my fault his friends have dis-owned him. Is it me he's ashamed of? Or just his actions? Dont want to be the person who ruins his life but thats what he's making me feel like im doing. I've given him ample opportunity to walk away from this but he says he doesnt want to be that guy.

What do you think? Am i being a stupid girl blinded by her feelings?

In answer to your last question

I dunno about stupid but you do seem to be rather blind

Only he is ruining his life. Good on his friends if they have disowned him for wanting to sweep his baby under the carpet. I hope you have friends and family to support you.

why are you being such a doormat?

So you two aren't together, he says he'll be there for his child, just so long as it stays a dirty little secret and noone who's opinion matters to him - is that about the size of it?

Love - he's an arse. 'being there for your child' involves spending time with your child, not being ashamed of his/her existance. Tell him to fuck off, if his mates are having a go because he treated you badly, that's his problem. He's your ex, if he wants to be part of his child's life, that's great, but he'll have to financially support his child either way, and your child deserves parents who love him/her, not one who's too embarrassed to admit s/he exists.

Also, baby due in February - I'm guessing it looks like you are pregnant, or does your ex expect you to hide indoors?

sorry, that should be: noone who's opinion matters to him knows about it

You are blinded by your feelings.
You're pregnant. That situation is not going to change 9except when you become a mum) regardless who knows what he has a duty.

He sounds incredibly selfish. His family and friends, his life, he doesn't want to be that guy.
How could he imagine he'd keep the fact that his ex girlfriend was pregnant secret, quite aside from why would he even want to.

You have bigger fish to fry at the moment besides worrying about him facing up to the consequences of his actions.

Def. blinded... to the fact he's a selfish wankstain who wants to hide you & your pregnancy away and pretend what happened between you didn't..he needs to face the fact he is going to become a father...but thats not your problem..look after yourself don't even give him a second thought try to concerntrate on you and your baby to come..

I think you have to wonder why he wants to keep the pregnancy a secret. Does he have someone else?

What scareprudence said.

How DARE he treat you like this?!

WALK away from HIM! His friends have dumped him cos he is a disgusting waste of skin.

What do YOUR friends say about this situation?

He is either embarrassed at being with you or has another partner.

If you agreed not say anything and then one of you did and it all blew up in his face without warning then maybe he is angry about how it's come out, yes.

I guess what's happened here is he's made this 'secret life' with you in private because he couldn't man up and face the music in public for the first few months. Now it's all out in the open it's too real for him and he's behaving like an immature twat.

I know where you're coming from incidentally - I'm due in Jan by someone I'm not in a relationship with and we have agreed to not tell most of our friends his identity (for now). When he told his family about the pregnancy though, he thought they'd be happy for him - instead they don't want anything to do with me or baby - not the reaction either of us expected, to be honest. Did your ex get the same reaction?

I'd not bother contacting him until he's got his head out of his arse if I were you.

Is he married?

It's quite possible his friends have disowned him for wanting to hide your pregnancy. Which is a bit of a non-starter anyway, since pregnancies tend to show and are usually followed by a highly visible baby.

You need to gather support around you, and kick this loser into touch. Don't even put him on the birth certificate, he's not interested in the baby he made. Oh, and when you're all settled with your child, get some counselling to find out why you even considered going along with his idiotic denial of your pregnancy.

Sorry it took me so long to come back to you all...

In response to he questions asked he's not married, I'm not sure if he has a new partner as I dont know if its my place to ask, he turned 21 this month and il be 23 the week our baby comes.

Your posts have made me realise what i've known all along, he is a very selfish person and is only thinking of himself in this situation. I was understanding to the fact that he didnt want his family to know as they are very strict catholic and he would be disowned. Because i'd already met his friends a few times in the year that we had been together when word got round that i was pregnant they put 2+2 together, i never comfirmed that yes the baby was his as we had already decided it would be between us, which i didnt feel happy about but knew i wouldnt gain anything from forcing him to tell people. But apparently im still the bad guy.

This has most certainly opened my eyes to the fact that my feelings could only let me pretend to myself for so long and the bubble is well and truly burst. I never told any of my friends or family of our agreement as i knew they would have the same reaction you all seem to have had and they would be very angry at me for letting myself be treated this way. As much as i ove him i think its time that i faced upto the fact that he doesnt want this baby and that i will be doing it on my own. I guess iv known all along but didnt want to admit it to myself.

Wow. Tell him to go back to his friends. He clearly doesn't want to BE a father and you can't make him want that, so make life easy for yourself, spare yourself a couple of years of drama and insecurity and TELL him to go back to his friends.

I agree wtih scaryprudence by the way. Even men who don't really want to be fathers don't usually try to spin a complicated web of denial...

The thing is when i first told him of my pregnancy i told him he coud walk away then and there, and i have stated this at regular points over the past 18 weeks. He was the one who kept coming to see me and calling/texting me.

Im at this point in time avoiding all contact with him, and he shall get a phone call informing hinm when the baby comes but right now i feel like thats all the rights i owe him.

x-posts - i know he has a very strict family but iv never expected anything of him or tried to make him be a dad, which makes me feel like more of a bloody idiot asiv been lovely and understanding to him whilst he only cares about himself.

Right now i just feel like a very silly little girl who has been played for a fool.

Well, don't beat yourself up love. You will have a child and he will have the freedom to continue being a cad and a bounder.

You got pregnant before you knew exactly HOW bizarre his behaviour would become, and you have already stood up for what you wanted when you said 'no, I'm keeping the baby'. So basically, when the chips were down you chose your child. I suggest you take yourself back to that decision and plan for your future as a single parent. You'll be ok. Being with an idiot makes parenting harder. SOmetimes, being a single parent is actually EASIER.

The funny thing is iv bee a single parent 6 yrs so know i can cope etc, and have an amazing ds who makes everything i go through worthwhile.

I think its more the sudden change in attitude from him that hurts most, he built me back up and agve me my comfidence back and we had never had one cross word in the whole time we had known each other. Its better he has shown his true colours now though i guess. Just wish it had been different and he was still the person i love so much but he's not.