Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dealbreakers... let's hear them

53 replies

happiestblonde · 22/10/2010 20:24

I was dicussing this with DP and I think we are both a bit picky but I thought it would be interesting to see what MNers really cannot handle.

Let's hear them - as ridiculous or shallow as you like.

For me:

  • Infidelity of any sort and dishonesty even about small issues
  • Selfishness - I couldn't be with someone and not be their utmost priority (aside DCs or DCs from a previous relationship, obviously - and of course friends are important but I personally believe that if you love someone they should, within reason, come first)
  • Bad hygiene - specifically foot or mouth odour
  • Bad taste or at least not being adventurous or open minded to food, experiences, life
  • A lack of ambition and relative success in whatever their chosen field
  • Owning a games console.
  • Not making an effort with my friends/family
  • Sulking, bullying, childishness. Obviously.
OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/10/2010 21:43

Men who tell you, right away, 'I'm friends with all my ex's.'

Thanks for the warning! Try not to consider me an ex, because I'm not your friend, either.

Bye!

expatinscotland · 22/10/2010 21:45

happie, i was single from age 28-31 and i did more growing up then than when i was single age 18-21.

LoopyLoupGarou · 22/10/2010 21:46

Any kind of over-dependency on their mum.

expatinscotland · 22/10/2010 21:49

YY, loupy!

I left that one out and learned it young!

I was 17 and started going out with this guy, I'll call him 's'.

First date. We're having ice cream after a film, talking about life, what have you.

He tells me he hates his father and loves his mum.

Okay. Fair enough, teen guy and all.

His mum really didn't like me.

In fact, after I broke up with him (because he was otherwise a loon) and he went out with other girls did I realise, she didn't like anyone.

He wound up with a mail-order bride.

Oh, guys who obsess about your weight/being thin.

HerBeatitude · 22/10/2010 21:53

Abuse
Bad breath
Dishonesty
Low libido
Unfitness
Illiteracy
Sexism
Smoking

I think that's it

LoopyLoupGarou · 22/10/2010 21:57

Gym goers (more than once or twice a week).
Vegetarians (taste even worse).
Tai chi or yoga.
Sci-fi, goblins, gnomes and painting freaky little weird objects to play games with.
A single bed.

LoopyLoupGarou · 22/10/2010 21:57

Actually expat, I agree with your general obsessiveness category.

Original poster
happiestblonde · 22/10/2010 22:10

OH DEAR JESUS TOE TRAINERS ARE HIDEOUS

Why are they made!?! Who wears them!?!

OP posts:
ninah · 22/10/2010 23:34

fleeces

Anniegetyourgun · 23/10/2010 09:53

It is really, really depressing how many of these major no-no boxes were ticked by XH. Why was I so bloody naive? (I was the one with the games console though!)

How about having smelly feet and constantly borrowing your shoes? Angry

ScroobiousPip · 23/10/2010 10:34

Me too Annie. Especially over-dependency on his mum - how could I have been so blind? Grin.

I'm a sad old singleton now so doesn't look as if I need to worry about dealbreakers anytime soon.

Original poster
happiestblonde · 25/10/2010 10:05

Borrowing your shoes....?

Crocs are no full-stop for me.

I think if DP and I ever break up I will be single forever, I can't imagine there are many men who pass by horrendously long list :(

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 25/10/2010 10:18

Wearing a thumb ring.

J/k (sort of).

Lying (inc. cheating), cruelty, addiction and extreme laziness or lack of ambition would be dealbreakers for me.

Anything more trivial than that is too subjective for me to take an absolute stance.

nogreythatmatters · 25/10/2010 10:57

Tattoos

Men who call themselves "Free spirits" - twats

Men boasting about affairs with married women

Men with no money who feel "guilty" about spending women's cash - but still allow the woman to spend it on them anyway in expensive bars and restaurants.

So many more

laweaselmys · 25/10/2010 11:25

Men that put you down in front of other people as a joke.

My sister's boyfriend does this and it really makes me want to be violent.

Anyone that wants to segregate everything, my jobs your jobs, my money, my decisions...

Being absolute about sending your DC to boarding school.
Refusing to do oral, or to kiss after.

Original poster
happiestblonde · 26/10/2010 14:05

Boarding school is an interesting one. I went to a private, all girl boarding school and DP's father went to a similar for boys - he had such a hideous experience that DP went to the local comp. I LOVED boarding school, DP is pretty open to the idea, but I would only ever send my DCs private, not because they are intrinsically better but because my Father made so many sacrifices to send me that I would sort of feel I failed him if I didn't do the same to my kids, he really wouldn't like it. Tricky.

OP posts:
Flossy85 · 26/10/2010 14:24

For me its gotta be:

  • Violence
  • Infidelity
  • Totally reliance
  • Possessivness

Throughout my life i have experienced 3 of these, and have found it destroys who you are, and to me that is the biggest dealbreaker of all

Losing who you are!

BlingLoving · 26/10/2010 14:34

When I was single, my unbreakable rule was no men who still lived with their parents.

Additional rules were:
No racism
No one who treated me like a little girl or didn't respect the fact that I was competent and successful.

Now with DH I think I'd walk away if there was any violence or if I felt he was behaving in a way that was bad for any DC.

I'd like to say infidelity would be a dealbreaker but I don't know and luckily, haven't had to face it. It certainly wouldn't be easy to move on from.

NK6c6ed1a5X1237640e009 · 26/10/2010 14:43

Completey agree with the infidelity and dishonesty.

Hubby has a games console which is a bit tragic but not quite a dealbreaker. I'd much rather have a games console in the house than a socialist!!

TheSmallClanger · 26/10/2010 15:25

"Obsessed" is a good one.
Other dealbreakers for me, and some of them might seem petty:

addiction
bigotry of any kind
"traditional values", usually a cover for the above
infidelity of any kind
badmouthing me in front of others - my brother is positive that any man who talks disrespectfully about his partner to others is the worst kind of person and to be avoided. I have found him to be correct.
Golf.

msboogieHallowqueen · 26/10/2010 15:45

seven times a day? seven?

NerdyFace · 27/10/2010 08:45

Vegetarians/Vegans
Cyclists
Hippies
Wiccans
Tories

And ANY woman who owns this t-shirt or anything simmilar www.animalshirts.net/wolfshirts/wolfshirt-moon.jpg

NerdyFace · 27/10/2010 09:12

^^ Also!

Fake Tan
Fake Tits
Thinking the Playboy Bunny symbol is "Classy"