SF well said.
Roxy I recall your thread before and posted on it.
have me own shit going on at the mo, so can't recall what i said.
BUT...
You have given him the benefit of the doubt. you let him get over the death, the funeral etc, and it's still going on. he is lying to you, in your face.
Her behaviour is disgusting, his is unforgivable. HE however is the one that is betraying you, she is just getting off on the naughtiness of playing where she ought not to be.
Sit him down, read him riot act, he is doing the cake/eat it. SF is the Exocet missile of Relationships as ever..
He has realised that you are PG and pretty much trapped. You're (in his eyes) not going any where, so he's just living a little while he can.
Unffingbelievable
If you don't stamp your 6m PG feet now and call time on him, this will never end.
Oh yes and don't do the email, listen love time to move on.... I tried that recently, I have half a dozen ranting bile ridden works of colombian fiction in an email account not too far away.... 
have given up that idea of her getting a conscience....
This woman is not going to give up on her own, he's not filling in the dots for her either. He has to stop it, now.
It literally has to be YOU or HER. If he dithers, if he even blinks, toss your hair and stalk off... well if you are anything like I was at 6m, its more of a waddle and a shuffle, but you get the sentiment.
I assume he'd go ffing nuts if you were doing this to HIM?