Practical advice on splitting up from husband please?

[FeelingVerySick]

Can you point me to some practical advice on splitting up from my husband.
There are 4 children (1 from previous marriage who is nearly adult)
Husband has a low income (so not expecting him to be able to pay much maintenance for his 3 kids and I don't get any for the eldest anyway). Also not expecting him to be able to keep up mortgage on our house once he has left - I presume I get to stay and he has to leave?

I've no income. No carreer. No money in bank. No driving license. No car. No passport.

I don't really want to stay in the "marital home". I want to move back to my family and home town some 300 miles or so away. How on earth can I achieve this?

It's a sad day but I think this is all I can do - relationship with husband has hit rock bottom - we don't communicate well.

Please can someone tell me where I can find help with doing this?

I'd like to split with him asap.

has there been abuse?
how would you pay for mortgage?
how would you pay for dc upkeep if you move?
how involved with DC is your H?

H is quite involved with children.

There has been "minor" abuse in the past (hands around my throat - threatening to hit but not actually doing it - and I push him away sucessfully in that situation)- but not recently. He is rather controlling.

I have no way to pay the mortgage

I would have to go onto benefits for DC upkeep.

DC have a "love hate" relationship with their father - but I guess they love him.

I am the main carer - and I'm always around to step in if I think H's parenting is becoming unreasonable (like he's threatening to chop ears off toy rabbit or - "if you do that again I'll put you through that window!" for their misdemeanors.)

(he wouldn't actually put the child through the window of course - but it's a very wrong thing to say to children of course).

We did a parenting course together - it made a some difference - but it's a few months since now - and things have slid downhill since then again.

H does not get on at all well with eldest child (not his) and he's quite aggressive in his manner to her. The choice of words - way he speaks to her - rarely shows any kindness or affection.

I don't think that is minor violence, you could get him removed from the house. I'm not the expert here, but you need to speak to the cab I think. Or if you need to leave asap you might need to call womens aid. Are you ok really?

I too wouldn't say that was minor violence. I agree with shower you could probably get him removed from the house. Even if this is only temporary until you find somewhere else to live. Womens Aid would be good to call. They will be able to help you.

Thank you - I will call Womens aid for advice. I wouldn't need to have him "removed" from the house - If I asked he would leave....It's just that I would prefer to leave the house and move elsewhere and I didn't know how this would be possible if I have no income or means to go about that.

I did see a solicitor for advice - who said I should stay in the marital home and he would have to pay the mortgage until youngest was 18 - BUT I know his income is not enough - we are only paying the interest on the mortgage now as it is. He could not afford to be housed seperately AND pay the mortage for this house - let alone help with bills or pay much in the way of maintenance.
I was advised that if I were to leave with the children and no place to go - I would be deemed to have made myself and the children homeless and so from that point of view it was more sensible to stay put. Even if it meant the mortgage going into arrears and the house being repossessed eventually.

I call the violence minor because I've never been beaten up or physically hurt - just shocked. Really if he tried to hurt me properly I would be able to flatten him. It's not in my nature of course - but just saying - I'm not particularly afraid of him - just worn down. Unhappy. This relationship is not working. I don't think he is particularly happy with me either.

I don't HAVE to leave asap. I just have been thinking a lot and that's what I want. I've had enough. I want to be back in my hometown near my family.

I think I have now drawn the conclusion - taking solicitors advice into account. First things first - I'll ask him to leave. Will try to keep things "amicable" for the sake of the children.

Practically, could you apply for a council house where you want to live and say your marriage has broken down and you need family support?
This would leave him with somewhere to live and somewhere for the kids to visit if he stayed in the marital home?
Would you be able to discuss this with him?

hands around neck?

and that's minor?

it isnt you know. it isnt normal behaviour...

if he would leave if you asked him to - then why havent you asked him?
is he really ready to just walk out on your say so?

i think you should ask him, if that is the case.... .

( but i would be surprised if he simply said 2oh ok all right i will go..." it isnt what controlling people do. they like having people around to abuse...

it isnt working for you or the DC. it's horrible.

please call womens aid

"H does not get on at all well with eldest child (not his) and he's quite aggressive in his manner to her. The choice of words - way he speaks to her - rarely shows any kindness or affection."

how old is she?

it is very sad that she has been forced to live with a man who does not like her. for ehr sake please have him leave, today.

ask him to leave today
speak to CAB
how old are your children
are they school age, can you look for a job?
If you go back home would your family/friends support you for a while?
This sounds awful, and I think you need him out of your lives asap