Feeling rather Guilty

[NerdyFace]

Right, I am feeling a total twunt for being like this but I should explain more really.

I started work for Company X about 7 weeks ago and to be frank I absoultely freaking hate it here, it is such a stimulation downgrade from my previous job I feel depressed and shitty everyday, BUT I am bringing in money and saving for a house deposit for me and my Fiancee so I can push it out of my mind, as I am providing for hers and mine future.

Anyway, where I work, my boss is a fairly attractive older woman, probably at least 25+ years older than me (i'm 22) and awfully I seem to have something of a crush on her, blushing when she is around etc. I would NEVER EVER dream of cheating on my partner she means FAR too much too me, But I feel so horribly guilty about finding this woman attractive.

I just wanted to get this off my chest and seek some advice? I do genuinely feel awful about this, I am counting down the days till dec.18th and my contract ends!!

Crush is normal, as long as you never ever act on it etc. I'm sure it'll wear off. Only 4 odd weeks left too, don't stress about it. Try and notice all her bad points too. and don't put yourself in situations with her if you can help it :)

She just walks around the office now and again.

Never said a single word to me and I doubt she ever would!! So bad points are hard to locate though!

I think part of the only reason is because im feeling SO shit about being here, it makes my day a little brighter, but then I think about it and come over all guilty feeling!

I sometimes fancy other guys in a soft crush way - but never in a million years would I cheat. I really do think it's normal, but obviously don't tell your DF! Of course other women can be attractive, it's not wrong to think that, but obviously flirting (IMO) etc. is a big no no. You don't fantasise about being with her, do you? Is it just you find her attractive?

No no, god no!

Literally I see her walking around and I think she is really rather attractive!

I have never and would never flirt with her or anyone else!

I don't fantasise about her at all, my sex life is very active and only my partner is ever in my head!

I mean, I have this crush on her it seems although she doesn't sexually excite me? If that makes ANY sense at all!

So you're just appreciating her beauty? Relax :) don't make it into something it's not, and enjoy it for what it is - office eye candy which brightens up the office! Think of her as a nice plant/painting if it helps

Hahaha...Thanks for the advice and not villifying me!

I was worried as a man I might not get the same treatment! hehe

Were it not for a pair of nice legs I probably wouldn't even notice her!

But i shall do as you say, gonna think of plants everytime I see her! haha

Ah god! >.<

She talked to me about some work i did rather well if I do say so myself.

I blushed so red and got a fucking nosebleed...What am I 5!?

The end of this job cannot come soon enough..

If you are this worked up about her you would only spurt over her leg anyway.

:)

thats vile...But by god I laughed..

Everyone is now looking at me for laughing very hard...

Vile???

You've had a sheltered life. :)

That should be quite evident from the amount of guilt i was feeling for simple attraction!

Although as i have found out, aslong as im not fantasising, flirting or cheating, it's no harm no foul!

And what better way to show your harmless feelings by sharing it with older women on a Mums forum.

Dirty boy.

Hehe Well..I kinda don't have to many friends within easy contact range! (They all went to uni..)

I have also used a lot of what i have learnt on here to be what i think is a far better partner, so i really trust the general opinions of Mumsnet!

Crushes are perfectly normal and if you're bored at work your brain needs something to focus on.

Instead think how good your brain is at rescuing you from boredom. It's no different from fantasising about winning the lottery. That giant jackpot last week got me through a 3 hour wait in a car - I just sat and thought about how to spend £113 million.

I think about David Mitchell when I'm bored too.

not in a wank type way, just in a 'oh, I'm bored lets imagine living with him'

You sound sweet Nerdyface, in a virgin kind-of-way. x

Hahaha...I'm actually a TOTAL Filth Goblin Caring!

Filth Goblin Sorry, as you were!

I've been in your boss's position once when a younger member of staff had a crush on me. I felt an enormous duty of care to this person and made sure that I didn't fuel the crush or add to his feelings of embarrassment.

Can you reframe this for yourself? It is evident from your posts that you have enormous respect for women and I think at least some of your embarrassment might be about seeing a female manager as a sexual being; this perhaps offends your feminist beliefs? So can you perhaps see that at least some of this is about your admiration for her abilities?

Admiring someone else and finding them attractive is absolutely normal, however happy your primary relationship. If your fiancee is a secure, well-grounded woman, it would be a good thing for you to share this with her, because it gets it out in the open and you can laugh about it together. I'm sure she has had the odd crush too - it's normal. It's usually the secrecy that fuels these things. In your case, this is making you feel worse and for people with less noble intentions, it allows them to act on their crush feelings.

You've done nothing to be ashamed of - letting the light in on a situation like this generally helps put it into some kind of perspective.