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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trapped in an unhappy marriage

5 replies

moveonup · 21/10/2010 09:23

I've just had an almighty row with my DP. I'm trying to understand it, cos it doesn't make much sense. Last night, I lost my rag with my dc's as I'd had a long day and they were making loads of noise. I asked them several times to stop playing on the computer and get their jamas on. this was after my tea had been rejected and the place was a tip. DP was sat glued to the tele while all this was going on. Anyway, I ended up losing my rag, shouting at the kids and DP. Suddenly this all became about DP. It turned into a row when I asked him to help me out with the discipline - it always turns into a row when I ask for help!! Anyway after I'd taken the DC's to school, I decided that i would "talk" to DP about his overreaction, "I'm alllowed d to lose my tempter once in a WHILE, it shouldn't always turn out to be about you".....anyway, long story short, this then became another row, to which old scenarios were blurted out, "you do this, you do that, your Mother does this etc".....then I recieved hurls of abuse, including "I've asked you to change but you are still the same". So I asked him to reveal the bits I should be changing, "well you're not consistent" was one, he was kind of stuck after this. Anyway, the argument escalated as I could feel my temper rising, why the bloody hell should I change, I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me. then came the insults, you "f***" do this, and that, "You keep talking over me, I can't shut you up", etc etc....then it came to the inevitable "well leave then" from him --which is where all our arguments lead to in the end. Problem is, i can't leave!!! I have no money, I have a part-time job, we're strapped for cash as it is,how could I afford to pay the rent on a house when I only earn 600 a month.....? I would love to leave as I hate being talked to like crap. Advice please anyone?

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 21/10/2010 09:31

You'd be entitled to financial help. Speak to the CAB. You aren't trapped, you're free to leave whenever you want to. It might be bloody hard to do it, but it is always possible, you just have to want it enough imo. Good luck!

redundenator · 21/10/2010 14:05

She will be loved is quite right. I'd try relate first though - try nad sort the problem out in a less confrontational environment?

GypsyMoth · 21/10/2010 14:07

would be wary moving out with all the new housing benefit cuts. and benefits etc!

cant he move out instead?

late30s · 22/10/2010 08:59

Hello to you all, well I have not taken any drastic measures - I have two children at school remember - the "Hello kids, had a good day oh and BTW we're leaving Daddy today so we'll be sleeping in a hotel tonight" approach doesn't work for me. We had a "chat" yesterday and I reminded him of his behaviour, of course most of it was my fault - however he did admit one or two things....including overreacting. This is something we can all do at times. What can I say, things are calm and reasonably happy today (and I've started my period, could this also have something to do with me)?, so I'm gonna enjoy the calm. I don't know, I feel in my heart that I'm gonna have to ride this one out....

cestlavielife · 22/10/2010 11:07

then take this calm time to book Relate for a few sesssions to talk about these rows and problems with communication.

otherwise you will be back in a few weeks with similar post....

also maybe look at your own reactions and ways to manage things /let off your steam in different ways?

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