friendship and jealousy

[Feelingsensitive]

I am being childish I know but need some advice on how best to deal with jealousy in a friendship. I am to admit but its me thats at fault here. I have a lovely friend but I cant help feelign very of her lifestyle. Her and her DH have virtually no mortgage (her DH's family are very rich) and they have a lovely life style. 3 expensive holidays a year, DCs in private school, designer clothes, house all done up. Conversley, we are in debt, huge mortgage, house a mess, driving an old car and basically struggling.I havent known this person all that long and we do get on well. I have noticed she has a habit of making sure I know how many holidays they take and what brand her handbag is (I even know how much her last christmas present from her DH cost) which does make me a bit but I wish I didnt feel this way. I really like this person and recognise I am in the wrong. I keep myself in check but do any of you have words of wisdom on how to stop being so ridiculous.

I'd be jealous as fuck, don't worry about it

I'd be jealous too - I also think it's really not a very nice trait of her to flaunt her wealth when it's obvious she's in a better position than you. I have friends who are a lot richer than us, but never make a thing about it. (If I ask where they got a handbag, or where they are going away, they'll say, but not make a fuss about it.)

Thanks everyone . Made me feel better that some of you would feel the same way. Feel such a shallow twat about it all. Never had myself down as hankering after a £800 bag. Actaully I don't want one I just want to be able to afford one

Must get a grip.

I would feel the same way

And tbh, your friend comes across as a bit "common" and showing off is just undignified

Flaunting her "superior" wealth is just so tacky, really and is more about her insecurities than yours

If I had an 800 quid bag, I would just leave it on the bus [hgrin]

Just remember, the ones that have to talk themselves up are usually lacking something...

You might be better spending more time with the friends that don't make you feel bad about yourself

Feeling sensitive

It could be the case that she is an insensitive friend who is not very kind..................but just to let you consider another option.

I have a really close friend (since we were 6mths old). We both met our DH's really young. They have followed a completely different career path/lifestyle to DH and I. They travelled when young (round the world etc). They do jobs which really 'count' in the community, (they are both truly wonderful caring people) and don't earn huge money. Myself & DH did the whole rat race thing. Straight from college, no breaks' worked way longer hours & way less holidays than my pals. After 10 years of very stressful living, we are financially way better off (nothing in the league of your pals). I think sometimes they envy 'things' of ours whereas we envy their lifestyle. I would be devastated if DF ever thought I attributed much value to the 'things', except I guess the security for looking after the kids.

The thing is DH and I are going through a horrendous period in our relationship now and I envy my DF as her husband is so obviously madly in love with her, will do anything for her and wants more children with her. They work well as a team (I know you never really know what goes on in a marriage). However, even though I envy here - I am so pleased she has this and feels like she desperately deserves it (she didn't have a secure loving environment growing up).

Now I know your situation could be nothing like ours, but my DF definitely has the better 'package'.

it's sad thing to say: but eventually the disparity in wealth will destroy your friendship.

a rich person and a poor person can never be friends. the money thing will always come between them.

money influences everything (it's not just handbags) and given that neither of you want to emphasise the money, eventually you will have nothing left to talk about

Its not wrong to feel jeleaous, everyone feels jeleaous.. oh she's got nicer stuff than me, a bigger house blah blah etc etc..

I do think it is insensitive of your friend to be throwing it in your face, she should keep her financial life private.

Stop comparing yourself to her, she probably has a miserable home life and is jeleaous of your life and to make herself feel better she has to tell you all about her!!

Agree that she is trying to make herself feel better about herself whilst 'subtly' putting you down.

I agree with Tallyrand. It spells the end of your fledgling friendship - its already based on really sour undertones. Why not step back a little, take the pressure off yourself about the jealousy thing (it does sound like she fuels it) and see if that improves how you feel?

Your friend is vulgar for mentioning the cost of presents, etc.

I've been in the situation where I earned a decent income while friends were paid megabucks, but they never mentioned their advantages; it's called good manners.

I see you say she is a new friend, so give it a little while, and if she doesn't improve, bin her.

"I earned a decent income while friends were paid megabucks, but they never mentioned their advantages"

but what happens is tha eventually their advantages are a thread that runs through EVERY aspect of their lives, until they run out of conversation for fear of 'rubbing it in'.

If schools, clothes, holidays, jobs, houses, children's activities, restaurants, charity events, social connections.... if ALL of those things become off limits, as a two minuite conversation only emphasises the wealth disparity, then what else is their left to talk about to lubricate the day to day friendship?