Just to inform you I have asked for thread to be deleted

[lillypads]

I previously posted under nickname 'alldressedupandnowheretogo' - Thread - Is walikg out on my 2 dds my only option. Thank you for the kind concern given. I think I need to reassure you all that Im ok. I was having a particularly bad day and everything seemed a lot worse than it actually is in reality. Me and my children are not in any danger and im sorry that I gave that impression.

Lilypads I read your thread on AIBU and some of the comments seemed rather harsh but I can reassure you that most of us women on MN have been through what you are going through and it is not acceptable whether you are having a bad day or not. You do not deserve to walk around on egg shells and have your DC shouted at. I am sorry that it put you off MN, but do keep on posting. MN has helped me so much and sometimes posters will seem harsh because they want the OP to face reality. Best wishes

I was very sorry for the pasting you got on that thread. People are too quick to call names and don't realise that it doen't help women in your situation. However, and this is a big however, I would describe your relationship as severely abusive. Locking you out of the house and making you beg to come back in, punching you...this is terrible, terrible behaviour that you in no way deserve. He will do it again, and again. I can see you are afraid to leave - but you are afraid because he is a dangerous man who has terrified you. One of my best friends had parents who had a, let's say, volatile relationship, with a lot of shouting and some violence of a similar type, and she says it has scarred her and she wishes her parents had divorced. They are still together and she worries endlessly about her mum, and has no relationship with her father. Even if you feel you can't go now, please start thinking about it. Make some calls. Read up on abusive men online (try the women's aid website) - gather your passport and the children's birth certs etc in a safe place. Good luck.

Sweety, perhaps you think you are OK, perhaps you're not in immediate danger, but even with a bucket full of salt pinches, the behaviour you described is not what most of us have to live with.

You do know that don't you?

OK, so you are not comfortable talking openly about what is going on, you are not ready, but believe me, MN can help you, just lurk for a while, have a look around, read and see what is going on around you.

You know where we are, we are always here, well unless Tech is tinkering, server falls over, but you get the sentiment. [hgrin]

There are wonderful women all over the world, logging on 24 hours a day, and if you need help, someone to rant to, or someone to just tut and roll eyes with, we will be here.

Stick around lilly, we need you too.

please please call womens aid for a chat and for advice on what to do when he is physically violent with you again. the man who declares his love for you and says he wont let you go, that he loves his children etc etc - it can be very confusing and "easier" to go along with the "good times" ...

as was said, it is very difficult living in this state of walking on eggshells and you do have a choice - by talking to someone womens aid or go see a counsellor you will be able to put yourself in a better position to make decisions.

but first step is to recognize that whatever you do, however he is "provoked", violence of any form whether against you or objects or threatening behaviour is not acceptable.

I hope you are ok Lillypads. As the others said, ignore the vitreolic stuff, just know that all mn want you to be safe and happy, you do deserve that.

Talking is the way to go, so keep on posting x

lillypads please dont downplay what you are going through. you are being abused. please get the help you need for you and your dcs. ring womens aid, just for a chat. they can help you put things in perspective and will offer any help you need. please dont feel you have to put up with anything.

I didn't read your other thread. But I can imagine how it went.

I think many people on here, who suffered as a result of our parents abusive relationship, get very highly strung about threads like this. I know I have been guilty of it in the past. Try and let it go over your head.

However, locking you out of the house and punching you is unnaccpetable in any circumstances. I hope that one day you are strong enough to see this. In the meantime, please seek professional advise. The WA are great. Picking up the phone and speaking to someone does not mean that you have to leave, or do anything. It's just a phone call. You don't even have to give your name.

I've been in your situation, with a H who used to tell me he wished I would just disappear and leave him with DD.

It's a long and difficult process to look objectively at your relationship, and some women never manage it. You're brave to begin to open your eyes to your situation. Please, don't retreat into denial. Read, watch, keep a diary if you can, post on here under other names if you want. Talk to Women's Aid, even if it's anonymously. See if you can get individual counselling (I got some free through work, and it helped me enormously). Get the Lundy Bancroft "Why Does He Do That?" book on Amazon, hide it and read it. Take it slowly for now, if you need to. You don't have to live like this.