OK this might end up being very long and convoluted, but I will try to avoid that!
My dh and I are not and have not been getting on well at all for several months. lots of arguments, etc etc. at the root of this (as far as I'm concerned) is that he drinks quite a lot and I think he puts that as a priority above me and dd (2.3). As far as he is concerned, he thinks I am trying to control him because I phone him to see where he is if he hasnt come home.....he cn't understand that i'm just trying to make sure he is OK
he has recently changed from an 8-5 job to one that is shifts, so some days he does 8-4, some days 4-midnight and some midnight-8. both of us have found it hard to adjust. i think that on days when he is working 4-12 he should be taking advantage of the extra time to spend with DD. in reality, he usually spends the day with his mates, quite often drinking.
because (he says) he works funny shifts and doesn't want to come home and wake me up in the early hours (I work 7.30-5 Mon-Fri) he has rented a room near where he works. This is odd point number 1.
As I said we have had lots of major fallings out, so much so that I kicked him out a few weeks ago and told him he had to sort himslef out. since then he came back and things were better for a while but then it all started again.
two weeks ago i came home to find him in a very weird mood. he said he had something to tell me.....then after several jokes about me being too fat (nice, huh) he said he had done something very bad (he had been drinking by the way).......so I thought he was going to tell me he was having an affair or had slept with a prostitute or something. but then he changeed it slightly and said he knew he was being really bad to me (he doesn't hit me). then I went out again briefly and when I am back he was crying and saying how much he loved me and that he didn't want to lose his family again (i'm his 2nd wife). I thought that this was because I had threatened him with divorce if thigns didn't get better. he continued drinking and went through different stages of being alternately angry and then hugely upset. then he drove off out to god knows where. next day he behaved as if nothing had happened. This is odd thing no. 2
things have been up and down since then, but with more good days than bad days.
then just an hour ago the secretary comes into my room to tell me that my cousin is with the security guards at the gate and wants to see me. i know for a fact that none of my cousins is here (we don't live in UK). so I asked her to find out the name of this person. I couldn't go to the gate at that point.......but would be free in ten mins. when i followed up with the secretary 10 mins later she called to the guards and said that the woman was in fact my dh's sister and her name was Benz. she was looking for dh but couldn't find him so wanted to see me. Now I have met all of dh's sisters and, apart from the fact that they live hundreds of miles away, none of them is called Benz! The secretary spoke to the guards again and they said that the woman had said that she knew me, but I might not know her name?!?! Then she left because they wouldnt let her in.
If I can (sorry) explain more, we live in Asia and my dh is not English.........the woman at the gate was the same nationality as him.
Now I'm wondering who the hell this woman is? She is not his sister. I can't help link it back to that day when dh told me he had done something very bad, then changed his story (oh and on that same day he said he had thought about going to a prostitute). Also in this country, the women can be slightly loopy, so now I'm really worried that it is some deranged mistress, coming to bump me off!!.
I know I have to confront dh and ask who she is, but I doubt he'll be home tonight cos we had another major row yesteday and even if he does come back, he will lie.
sorry this is so long, but thank you if you have read this far.
i dion't really know what Im asking you. I know my marriage is the pits and I do want him to go, most of the time. I guess I'm worried that this woman who was here today might turn up and tell me shes pregnant or something and that dh is the father!
what would you think?