I want out.

[insanityrules]

Will try to make this brief as i think i could make this an epic with the way i feel.
Drink has played a big part in my marriage on both of our sides what started out as a sociable occurence turned into a need for alcohol every day.
I rarely drink now, don't like the taste much no more, but my husband still drinks everyday.
I have left twice before, will admit to having affairs both times, i wanted to feel loved if that makes sense.
My husband works hard for us all, does his fair share around the house, but i don't like him anymore, the drink turns him into a person who is rude, sarcastic and he can't see it.
It's always someone else's fault as to why he gets grumpy, never his.
I look at him and see a fat, overbearing, controlling pig, harsh of me maybe but i have got to the point of not loving him no more, the kids adore him and he loves them. But my feeling have gone, do i have the right to destroy my kids lives due to how i am feeling.

I'm not sure what you are actually asking here ? Or if you would just like a friendly ear

Could you record him when he is being rude and sarcastic so he can see for himself when he is sober?

Separation doesn't have to mean you have ruined your children's lives.

I have tried recording him to no avail, he still sees it as everyone else's fault.

Just want a friendly ear, i would so love for him to go but he refuses saying it's his house.
When he is not here the atmosphere is lovely, the minute he walks back into the house it's like a weight has been brought down, i get edgy waiting for something to be said.
Even my eldest son doesn't like his dad when he starts, i feel like piggy in the middle at times trying to defuse the situation.

He sounds like my ex!! I ended up loathing him and not just when he was drunk either, the revulsion I felt for him when he was drunk spilled over into every aspect of our relationship
If he needs to drink every day he is an alcoholic and the chances are he won't change but the situation will just get worse.
Its up to you whether you can put up with it long term and more importantly whether you are prepared to put your children through it.
Try calling AlAnon, they are really helpful and will help you develop coping strategies until you are ready to decide what to do.
Trust me, I know from experience that you will do your dc far more damage by staying with an alcoholic than by leaving.

Al Anon

My little one is too young to realise what is going on but my son isn't. I feel so much guilt, i know the situation is wrong.
I do worry about the damage i am causing my son by staying here, i can't even go into a refuge as he is too old to come with me and NO WAY am i leaving him here.
I will call AlAnon thank you for that information.

You don't necessarily have to go into a refuge.
Go to the CAB and find out what options are open to you. It will be possible to leave him and there is a lot of support available.