Opinions please on my DP's attitude

[readywithwellies]

Hi everyone,
Bit of background:
Was married, had 2 dcs, separated as exp had affair and left. Never went back to exp nor were attempts made on either side to reconcile.
Met dp within year of separation. DP and I are very happy together, he is everything I ever wanted. He has a dd and we all live together, we are now 18 months on.

OK, so the problem?
Every so often DP gets paranoid I will get back with exp because I show no negative emotions about him, I am apathetic towards him and I consider exp feelings when making decisions about the 2 dcs. DP thinks I should only consider the dcs, dp and myself.
Do I need to hate my exp? I say I can't be bothered to hate him and giving him that energy is wasted. DP says I should hate him and want to make him suffer for the way he treated me. He hates his exp.

Your opinions please?

no you don't need to, and i would say you shouldn't either.
your children NEED you to have a good relationship with their dad, it must make things much easier for all of you.

your dp clearly has issues and can't understand your POV

I don't have a good relationship with exp, it is all done via email and very little is said on handovers.

If you hated him that would mean you still had feelings for him - indifference is the opposite to love.

Karmann, I have explained that to him, he doesn't get it.

ok but thatg's a lot better than having a bad relationship with him isn't it?
your DP's way of doing it would have a really bad effect on your kids

The fact that you can't even be bothered to hate him should tell your DP all he needs to know. You are doing the right thing for your children, well done. Your DP has to accept that everyone is different and deals with things in different ways, just because he hates his exp, doesn't mean you have to hate yours. My exp cheated on me and 8 years on I still consult him about my 2 DS's, they are his children also after all. Good luck!

Yes, thisisyesterday, I have that system so arguments do not occur and to minimise the potential for manipulation.