Worried for a friend's DS...

[feelsadforthisboy]

Have name changed. This might not be the right Topic, but I wasn't sure where else to start this.

I take a boy and his sister to school regularly, at least twice a week. See them and their family weekly. The parents are friends, but not especially close.

The boy (6) is often sad, and also rude/badly behaved on our journeys (and other times). Often I pick him up from home, and he is already in tears. Usually this has settled by the time we get to school. This morning I did not see what was happening inside the front door, but I heard shouting. I then realised mum had already gone to work and Dad was in charge of seeing them off.

He has been in trouble at school and at home. My DH said recently that he was quite shocked at how this boy's Dad treated him and spoke to him. The family are comfortably off, both parents have good jobs (mum works part time) so on the face at least, family and home life is stable and comfortable.

But recently, I saw for myself how the Dad treats the boy. At one point he picked him and threw him to the ground when the boy was annoying him. At several points, he used the "F" word directly to the boy, or certainly in his presence. His anger towards him was totally disproportionate to the "offence" committed (mostly just day dreaming or whatever - nothing that required swearing and physical harm).

I realise I cannot do anything, I cannot say anything. The mother must be aware, she was around when I witnessed what I saw. My DH has seen similar on several occasions when I have not been there. I thought he was exaggerating, but now I realise he is not.

No wonder the poor boy is sad.

I can't do anything, can I?

Report the father to social services, the mother may be too scared to say anything.

Oh God that is such a tricky situation. Some might tell you to talk to the parents but I'd find that almost impossible and might even make it worse for the little boy. Agree with other poster that you should ring social services to express your concern. Or maybe you could have a word with the mother on her own - it's hard to judge without knowing them. Hope someone comes along with better advice in a minute.

not sure if all councils are the same but on a recent safeguarding course we were told that our council had a 24 hour phone line to ask for advice... any advice regarding the safety of children....

You can not walk away from this, you will never live with yourself if you did... maybe he only does this when she's not there...

Can't do anything??? Seriously call social services and tell them exactly what you just posted here. You have an OBLIGATION to this child to DO SOMETHING. Please please please call them and let them investigate. It can be anonymous and could make the difference for this poor little boy. Doing nothing is not an option.

Thank you. Sorry, when I said "can't do anything" I was only thinking about the immediate situation, ie. approach parents, try talking to boy (we get on quite well, actually, despite the fact that he can be a rude sod!).

Had not even thought of the social services angle, of which I should be ashamed, but it is the nature of the "world I live in" - social services doesn't feature particularly heavily IYSWIM.

My apologies for that, and my thanks to you.

"The NSPCC Helpline is a service for anyone concerned about the safety or welfare of a child. You can contact the helpline 24 hours a day, seven days a week by phone, email or online".

0808 800 5000

www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/the-nspcc-helpline/using-the-nspcc-helpline-hub_wdh72253.html

"the world you live in"?? you mean a nice middle class world where people don't abuse their kids??

come on!

That child is being treated disgustingly. Act.

When I said "the world I live in" I meant my family and immediate circle of friends. I am not middle class, but simply have never known of Social Services being involved or even being contacted in relation to a child safety issue amongst those close to me. Maybe I should have phrased it differently. I absolutely accept that middle class, working class, any class abuse exists. Sadly, it exists at all levels of society.

I only became aware of the physical side of this treatment of the boy yesterday, until then, I had heard of the verbal and had seen the poor boy in tears on numerous occasions first thing in the morning. As far as I know, his morning upset could simply be sad leaving mum/dad (I know this boy really struggles with the fact that his mum went back to work), or that he just doesn't like going to school (he has had troubles at school).

I cannot assume that the tears relate to abuse, whether physical or emotional, though I did hear the shouting, but not what was said this morning. I never normally hear that, as this is the first time Mum has not been there when I've picked up. I often "shout" at DC to "hurry up, get your back get out to the car". Maybe it was nothing more than that.

But, I still have this vivid video playing in my head of him picking up the poor boy at least 2 or 3 feet off the ground, from a lying position and throwing him hard straight back down. If he can do that to his son in full view of dozens of people, in a crowded place, goodness knows what he can do behind closed doors.

I will call NSPCC first. Thanks for that.