I could use some help/advice wisdom anything.....please

[Tambasher]

My husband left me for another woman 4 weeks ago, he met her on the Saturday and moved in with her on the Tuesday. We have been married 15 years and have 2 children.

The first week he denied he was with OW. The 2nd week she phoned me.........he then started texting/calling saying he makes stupid mistakes sometimes etc. He then turns up next day and I ask him what he was saying (the phone kept breaking up) and he said nothing and took off again.

He has made no effort to see his children, he has gave us no money since leaving, I have applied to CSA, he has since been off work with depression but tells me, he has finally found the love of life, someone to hug him, care for his every need and moving in with someone so quickly only happens once in and lifetime and he loves her and wants no contact with the kids.

How do I move on. I have (hopefully) finally managed to get him to stop calling me and texting to say "you mean the world to me, never wanted to hurt you,I will always be here for you"??? and "where is your car, why is not outside overnight" and "why is your bedroom light on at 4.45am"?

My head is just a mess and I don't know what to tell the children anymore.

I'm sorry you are still going through this. I remember when you first started the thread.

Could you please not use that horrible word though to describe his new partner? It makes me shudder. I realise you probably feel it is apt but it's such a derogatory term for women.

Once again I am sorry it's still going on.

Yes, I do realise it is, it is not a word I have ever used in my vocabulary EVER before and I don't know where I even found it.

I will go back to calling it IT.

Only on MN would someone ask you not to use a word and I mean that in the nicest possible way. I shall keep my bad words for my other forum.

IT is one though.

I think he is keeping you in reserve and when it all goes tits up with this woman he will come crawling back. This is why he keeps trying to maintain contact by texting. He's feeling guilty and unsure and knows that if things fall apart in his new 'relationship' then he can wander back into your life.

Hopefully now a couple of months have passed you are feeling stronger and won't be takin him back.

Your DC are not DVD's (don't know what other word to use - pieces of furniture) - he wants to have NO contact ever, he wants contact, he doesn't, he does - how dare he! How b....y selfish he is. Married 15 years too and he throws it away - just like that.

What a decent man, he is.(NOT)

Maye he is having some kind of breakdown/mid-life crisis/has totally 'lost the plot' so badly he doesn't know what he is doing; or he is a mean, spiteful, vindictive individual. Self-preservation time for you -I know you are thinking about being accommodating for the dc's sake for xmas, but you need to have a break from his/her crap for your own sanity now, otherwise it will bring you down further.

And just look at who he has got involved with - no comparison to how nice a person, I reckon you are.

Tambasher - as far as I am concerned she is a total skank. Call her a skank to the high heavens if it makes you feel even one tiny jot better!

The whole situation is absolutely dire. You sound amazingly sad, yet totally pragmatic and in control at the same time.

Excuse the crude expression but fuck him and his skank. Carry on the way you are going.

Your priorities are in the right place and although it seems trite and may not feel like it right now, you are well shot of this man.

Thank you for your kind words, I do believe he is highly confused and has already asked to come back but I am not some silly little woman waiting on him, he is NOT the be all and end all and it I doubt very much I will ever forgive this, never mind what he wants.

I have stopped answering his calls and texts this week as he has made me quite unwell and he was grinding me down with calling/texting weekly with his self pitying thoughts.

I have contacted a Lawyer and he should receive a letter next week explaining any contact he should wish to have will be through a Contact Centre.

It may well be a midlife crisis or a breakdown but o be honest I am quite pleased I don't have to face him daily and I am pleased he isn't lying upstairs and is with his skank (she is a skank btw) a dirty one, hence Contact Centre.

I think we will ALL end up better off without him, perhaps not finanacially which breaks my heart but it will only be this year the boys will suffer, next year I will have had some time to plan ahead.

I will try to explain about Santa and the recession.