I threw DH out/he left last night. It's not the first time I have done it/it's happened and I always give in and ask him back usually and, not suprisingly, he doesn't take me seriously and treats me like a joke.
Last night we went out with friends and had a lovely meal and evening. I drove. Afterwards, we went back to friends for a few drinks and then walked home. DH Got very drunk at friends house and we ended up getting into a petty arguement when we got home. He became verbally aggressive towards me and then got dressed and whilst doing so 'flicked' me in the face with his jumper. I locked myself in the loo and he insisted on opening the door from the outside, all the while calling me an 'ugly c**t' and other equally horrid names.
We've been together several years. In that time he has been violent on several occasions, always when very, very drunk. After the last time I did throw him out and I meant it and he absolutely begged to come back and promised not to drink again. This was a couple of years ago and slowly he started to 'ask' if he could drink on social occasions, now just assumes I won't mind. I hate him drinking as he can never have a drink or two and at best he gets depressive and miserable. He is in a job/cricle of friends where drinking is almost part of the culture and he doesn't think he has a problem. I don't think he's an alcholic, but he just doesn't know when to stop and has a problem.
We also lost a baby earlier this year at late term. A daughter. Last night was quite hard as our friend's daughter came down for a cuddle with her Dad when we got there and obviiusly it's hard not to imagine that that could have been us with our daughter. DH did cry and had to leave the room.
DH has asked the GP for help/referral to counselling and nothing seems to have come of that. Relate will not get involved due to the past violence. DH has said he will go to relationship counselling with me, but we never have. I think it' past that, tbh and I also think he needs counselling himself, but he denies this.
I just don't know what to do. I consider myself a strong person, but I also know I am putting up with behaviour I never expected to. That said, although DH does frighten me at times, I know without doubt he would never lay a finger on me when sober and I am not generally scared of him. I have children from a previous relationship and I do have to consider them. (they have never been there when DH was violent, always at their Dads) I won't deny I hope that by moving on with my life DH will seek the help he needs and take me more seriously, but for now I think I just need to find a way to move forward.
I live in DH's house, but I do have a small income from self employment. I could probably raise the money for a deposit for a privately rented house, but don't have enough income to cover the rent etc. I appear (via the website) to be entitled to some tax credits, but not really sure how this works or how long it all takes to come through?
More importantly, how do I find the strength to see this through? DH and I were TTC again and although I'm aware we can't do so anyway now, I am 35 and feel I will have to accept that I won't have any more children. That is the hardest thing in all of this. 