Relationship advice needed urgently!

[Mhamai]

I'll try and keep this as short as poss, I began dating a guy three months ago, Sat night he dropped a bombshell and said he was finishing with me, I was devistated as I've fallen for him, he said he cant see it going anywhere long term and yet says hes still into and that it's better to do it now as it will only hurt me further down the line, the main thing is he said also that hes scared, hes coming up to me later to talk, I suggested that we could take a step back and just keep it light, I just cant get ny head around the logic of two people breaking up if there still into each other, I said to him nobody knows whats down the road but finishing with me because your afraid your feelings are getting deeper for me, oh I just dont know! I'm so confused and hurt! Please if anyone can throw some light on this I'd really appreciate it.

Still into me I meant to say

Mhamai - at the risk of being harsh, and I know that you are hurting at the present, usually when a guy wants to break things off, they want to break things off - the "fluff" they put around it is to a) reduce the guilt they feel, b) try to reduce the pain they are causing, and c) try to avoid an scene/argument/discussion.

We cause ourselves more pain by putting ourselves through the "why doesn't he like me" torture dance.

In the long run, it is better to go "ok", pick yourself up, rent a good movie, have a good cry, and get on with having a good life without him.

If he really is "into you", he'll be back when he realises what he is missing.

Don't let him muck you around.

Mhamai, I really feel for you, breakups are such complete misery.
Not knowing either of you or anything about you - I'm afraid my honest view is that, mostly, if someone really wants to be with you, they will be with you.

I'm saying this because, if you don't feel 'light' about him, which it sounds like you don't, then trying to sustain a 'light' relationship when you feel more could actually hurt worse than saying 'you seem to want less than I do, that's not going to work for me so let's leave it there'.

I hope you can take care of yourself during this bad time.

Thanks Koalabear it's just that last night I sent him a txt saying this would prob be my last txt to him and that I would prob delete his no, he said I thought u said u wanted us to stay friends, he said he was sitting there with tears in his eyes, I know what ur saying and it does make sense but I just dont want to loose him, well not like this.

if he had tears in his eyes, he would be at your house and not his

sorry to be so blunt, but i get really annoyed at people (guys generally) who use this type of manipulation to avoid taking responisiblity for their actions

he hurt you, thats it, no excuse, he should take responsibility

i have to agree dont make yourself look a fool by begging him to stay if u play it cool and just say i really like u but if you dont want to be here then id rather not waste my time on you. - as there will be someone waiting to adore me because im worth it (ok not in so many words but you get my drift)

dont worry you will keep your self respect and i guarantee if he's worth it he'll be back begging for you in a few days - he'll leave thinking omg why did i let such a classy girl go - doh and he'll come running back..... (well thats the plan n if not then hes a loser n hes done u a favour)

by the way always helps to look gorgeous while you're telling him not to waste ur time....

and dont spend the next few days mopeing about, get out there n enjoy yourself and dont answer the phone the first time he rings, call him back and say i was just in the shower getting ready to go out or something...#

good luck, fingers crossed

Thanks Acnebride, I just cant believe it could be ending like this, I thought u only broke up with someone when the feelings were gone,and by him coming up tonight I'm cluthcing at sraws thinking he will realise that he does want to be with me, I suggested time out, a break and he said if that happened he knows he'd miss me, deep down I feel maybe I should let go because even if he decides to give us a chance, I know on some level I'll be feeling insecure, oh God I'm so sad, how can something lovely be over?

[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

How old is he?

Thanks Koalabear ur right, I want him but I'm not going to be anyones doormat I,ve too much self respect and thanks kelli22 I've found ur words very comforting. well Im gonna glam myself up and try an do some of what u said, thanks girls, I still feel like crap but I'm running a bit short of taking any more!

I'm 38 he's 30 Eaney, I know I'm prob going to get a whole he's too young etc, his marriage ended last yr no kids, married quite young, think he's scared of his feelings getting deeper but he did say he was falling for me, oh I don't know! Hi AAA aw thanks hun for the hugs.

thats what we like to hear, infact im thinking get yourself glammed up and ready to go out, even if its just to meet a copuple of mates at the local pub or something so that if he does leave you can go out n get pissed instead of staying in balling your eyes out. then you have an excuse to look absolutly gorgeous!

I'm going to be really, REALLY blunt here and say.... You are a grown woman, it was a 3 month fling, he ended it, get over it. Find yourself a guy worthy of your love. As far as I can see there is no relationship advice to be doled out here, as there is no 'relationship'.

Shoot me down, but this seems a bit ott for a 3 month relationship between people older than 14.

have a heart NDP, love sends you funny no matter what ur age, perhaps you need to get some?

I do have a heart (and love), ta very much. This thread just reminds me of the problem page in Just Seventeen.

I understand that by putting my problem out there NDP that I'm open to various views and oppinions but I do think you are being a bit harsh but thankyou for taking the trouble to give me a response.

It can hit you hard even at 3mths. If he is really afraid he wil come to his senses especially if you are not too available.

If it's just a line you won't care cos you'll be out there having fun.

I just think you are wasting a whole lot of time and emotion being sad about something/someone that doesn't necessarily come across as deserving of your tears.

Maybe I am NDP but I'm certainly not a just seventeen candidate, I havent dated anyone before this guy for quite a while, but although ur advice albeit slightly harsh, I do understand what you mean about wasting time on someone not worthy of u, I just didn't expect to develop the feelings that I did for this guy and I'm feeling emotionally raw right now and I think thats possible regardless of age.

Anyway thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to my thread. I'm off at the risk of sounding teenagerish! to get my hair done!

sounds like a great plan mhamai. good luck for later

Just a wee update, had a really long talk last night with dp and we are giving it a go, just wanted to say thanks again for the support yesterday.