Why do most men cheat? And why do I go for that type of man all the time?

[happenedagain]

Thats it really, I cannot understand why I seem attracted to the cheating type of man. If I met a decent man I would probably run a mile saying he is boring.

But I am wondering if it is because I feel scared to let any close, so if I go for the cheating type there is no chance of getting too close.

Does anyone else think that could be why they go for that type of man?? Just thinking out loud really and trying to get my thoughts abit....

I think that if you find yourself in the same relationship situation that's destructive, such as with a cheater, over and over, then you need to stop having relationships. Just don't get involed with anyone, and get some therapy.

For a while. A long while. Just don't date. At all. If someone asks, say no and be firm about it.

And start a relationship with yourself.

Going for the same type of person over and over is a sign that you need to spend a serious time working on yourself.

Would second expat's counsel here.

I would only ask what your parents taught you about relationships when growing up (you do not have to answer that). If your father was for example emotionally absent, cheated on your Mum repeatedly or emotionally unavailable you could well be repeating what you saw back then. You need to "unlearn" these destructive relationship patterns or you will end up repeating them over and over. Counselling would be helpful to you.

Love your own self for a change.

attila - you just described my dad. I have only had two actual boyfriends, who have both cheated. So not alot of cheating boyfriends. My dd's dad I have been with on and off for years, and the reason for that is his cheating mainly.

I have been going to counselling and am starting to realise it has alot to do with my parents.

But I am now thinking about it and trying to change it. I think if i understand myself it will help.

I have realised that cheating men appeal to me. (even tho I hate being cheated on ). And men who probably would not cheat seem boring to me. .

As I say, just trying to work myself out and it helps to write it don sometimes instead of just thinking it.

Stop doing this to yourself and your daughter. You deserve more.

Please ask your GP for a referral for counselling if you cannot afford it on your own and get to the bottom of why you feel the need to continue a pattern of self-destructive relationships.

Yes, parental influence does and can play a huge role, but you are an adult now, the time has come to change patterns for the better.

I know we both deserve better, thats why I have left him. I do not want to go back so that is why i am dealing with my issuse now.

I have been in counselling on and off for 22years. But now i am working i can go every week which i really think will help.

I agree that I am an adult, and i know i can deal with it, i have to, if not for me then for me dd. As no way do I want her repeating my patterns.

It will be tough to unlearn such patterns as they are deeply rooted (thought it was connected to your Dad, we learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents) but you must unlearn them for your sake as well as hers. It goes without saying that you do not want your DD to repeat the same relationship mistakes re going for cheating men.

BACP have a list of counsellors and they do not charge the earth either. Consider them or use Relate.

My guess is as well that you still seek male approval even thought your Dad let you down abjectedly as a child. Therefore you keep going for the same type of man and make exactly the same relationship errors each time. You certainly need to unlearn this and it will take time and be a hard process.

I have a counsellor that i really trust and she has helped me see certain things about myself, so i am happy to stick with her.

I feel like i always turn into a man hater when exp cheats on me. but instead of staying completelty away from men, i allow myself to have flings with guys that i do not like that much. i do not understand this, its like i am stuck in a pattern, or some sick game.

Now that i am understanding myself abit more, i do feel this is destructive.