He left us

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I've never posted anything on here before but I really need some advice.

A couple of days ago my husband walked out on me and my 2 children 4 and 6yrs. We first got together 8yrs ago and then had the 2 kids. 3yrs ago he said he couldn't take the pressure of having 2 little children and he left. He was gone for 2 yrs 1 of which we nevcer heard anything. I kept myself together as both kids were so small and totally relied on me and gradually found a way of coping without him.

Anyway I moved to be closer to my mum and then he contacted me and said that he had been such an idiot and had spent all his time regretting his behaviour and could we try again. I believed that he had changed and we gave things another shot. He has been fantastic, looking after kids and helping me with housework.

Anyway the nightmare has happened again and he has left us again. It is totally unexpected and he says it is just because he doesn't want to hurt me again and that I am better than that. The day he left I came home from work to find his stuff all gone. I talked to him on the phne and he said he was just too under pressure and just wanted to try and sort a flat out but would work at relationship. Then the day after he said he would come back with all his stuff. He came back in the evening with one bag and said all others were at a friends and he would go get them and be back that evening. I haven't seen or heard from him since.

I'm going out of my mind. I cannot eat or sleep and can't stop crying, and to top it all off work has just yold me that that instead of me working 9.30-2.30 every day I need to work just afternoons or nothing which is going to cost me ao much in childcare. I just feel my whole life has been ripped to shreds in the last few days. Also my mum was going away for the weekend this weekend and said that she still had to go and I understand but just wish that I wasn't just left on my own right now.

I can't bear to tell anyone yet as there are people who think I was an idiot to get back with him in the frst place.

Sorry this is so long I just feel so dreadful right now.

You need to assume he has gone for good and look at how you can move on with your life. It doesn't sound fair what your employers have said so that might be worth questioning and then you need to sort out maintenance for you and the children.

tell EVERONE you know. PLease. He does not deserve what little good opinion they have of him, and you need support, a real person there to hold your hand.

You poor thing. I'm so sorry there isn't someone there to hold your hand. Can you reach out to someone who knows you well and will help you?

I expect that both times he left, it was for someone else, whatever he might say to the contrary. Would knowing this for certain help you in any way? Thinking of you, especially when there are other things going wrong too, like work.

Oh you poor thing!!!

Your H sounds like a selfish coward who cannot face up to the responsibility of a wife and children.

You really do need to accept that he is gone for good now, and if he does come crawling back (no doubt for sex, home cooking and laundry facilities) you cannot let him in. You are better than that. Be strong and don't let him use you.

He is a spineless coward to think he can come and go as he pleases, tell you one thing and do another, and leave you hanging, pathetically crying and waiting for him.

Please find strength, you do not need him. Tell all your friends, accept that you made a mistake by taking him back the first time, all your friends will understand.

Did he contribute financially when he did live with you? Did he contribute to his children when he buggered off for two years? He will have to pay maintainancy now, which should help with childcare costs.

firstly, DO NOT let this man back into your life to hurt you a third time, contact the CSA for maintenance (give them his employers address if you dont know where he is living)

dig out your work contract, and find out what hours you are contracted to work, your employers cannot just change you hours without you agreeing, contact ACAS for advice on employment issues

Find out what you are entitled to as a single parent (www.entitledto.com should tell you) tax credits, council tax rebate etc

So sorry he has done this to you again, he really does not deserve you or your dc, you deserve a better man

and i hate to say it, but it sounds to me like he has someone else, and also had someone else the first time too, you dont spend 2 whole years regretting, if he felt regret, he would have come back sooner.

what a first class nob
so so sorry for you
have you got any friends that can come round and offer you some moral support and just help you with practical staff like cooking,cleaning,taking kids somewhere?
sorry that your mum couldnt stay with you
my heart is breaking for you
lots of strength

i dont understand why you are letting yurself be treated like this

he can dick you around as long as you let him.

he is dicking around your kids too - for this i wouldn't be crying pathetically, i would be so angry i'd want to rip his cock off.

so get angry, get a solicitor and fuck him off, hes just a twat, and if you continue to let him do this to your children, you won't be alot better.

hope things get better for you soon.

if he has any shit at your house, get sone lighter fluid and fucking burn it. he's a cunt

Yeah the fiorst time he ended up with someone else.

This time this is the first thing that I suspected had probably happened but I cannot see how it happened. He was with me the whole time except when I was at work and during that time he would be at home doing stuff. This i'm certain of as I would often get calls from him during the day from home no. But yes I guess you can meet someone anywhere these days even internet from home.

Doubt I could get anthing much from CSA as he is unemployed. He was doing an NVQ to be a plumber but college sent a letter to say that they couldn't offer him a place this year he would have to wait until next Sept for next level. It was since thuis letter arrived that he says he can't cope anymore.

Because he wasn't working I was getting as much tax credits as entitled too. Have already enquired about getting more housing benefit as I do already get some help with rent but because I am working I don't get much.

I know I will feel better in time but it just feels so bad right now.
I do have 2 fab kids though DD has tried to make me feel better by doing my hair and DS keeps giving me hugs and saying it doesn't matter.

I just found the time that I was a single mum so difficult and I really never wanted to go back to that. Also i'm 27 now and while I know that that is still youngish I just feel that I am now an old haggered woman that nobody else would ever want.

Called my best friend and she is going to come over with a chocolate cake and wine!

And for the work issue I have no contract so therefore no rights. I have a temp contract which is ongoing. I am a receptionist/administrator though so guess that there are other jobs out there if I look around for a bit. Just don't want to end up pennyless as well to top everything off.

Sweetheart, understandbly you sound so down. This is a horrible time for you and I agree with everything everyone has said here, especially Custy

Don't you DARE let this poor excuse for a dick darken your door ever again.

You let him back the last time and he has bailed again? ARSE!

Is there anyway you could look for a job in the mornings to fill the time your existing work is releasing? Use the free time you have as if it were a job, your job to find another job to replace the one you are doing or complement it.

If you are getting paid less, you can apply for more HB surely? Speak to CAB to make sure you are getting all the help you need financially.

Get pissed with your mate, stuff your face with cake, wallow all weekend if you feel like it, but come Monday, you are going to be back in fighting mode, take on the world, one step at a time.

You will always be better off on your own than beholden to a nob like this, who will let you down anyway.

You are 27, a mere babe, you are young, you have plenty of time to meet someone decent, but only once you have learned to love yourself. You are a great mum, a good person and a great friend. The fact that someone is on her way round to you speaks volumes.

You are never alone in MN, 24 hours a day, someone is here, and if you need RL help, you can get that here too.

It will probably take a while for your head and your heart to agree - your head will be saying "good riddance, you pathetic loser!" and your heart might be saying "but I looooooove him!!!!" - but that's totally normal. We're all here for you, so rant away whenever you feel like it. Lots of us have been through, or are even currently going through, stuff like this, and have come out/are coming out the other side - you will too. Good that you have supportive friends and family, let them be there for you. x

Sorry to hear your news.

On a practical note, this might be of help.
In the back of my mind I am also certain that there is some sort of rule that says if you are employed by a company directly ie: not an agency worker, you are entitled to be made a permanent employee once you have worked there continuously for a certain period of time. It might be worth chatting to an employment specialist at CAB, as they would also know whether the company can force the change of hours upon you.

I hope you can get this sorted so that it is more satisfactory.

His behaviour is cruel - he's swanning in and out of your lives leaving chaos behind him and trying to justify it because he 'can't cope'. A man like this is too selfish to ever be the husband/father you need him to - he's putting his needs before yours and before the needs of HIS children. You must feel awful right now and I'm sorry this is happening to you again

If I were you, I would assume he is gone, contact the job centre/tax credits office and let them know you have become a single parent. IT will hurt like hell but tackling the problem will help the process of moving on.

Don't leave your job, even if the hours do not suit you right now, tax credits should pay for at least a part of the childcare/afterschool club. In the mornings, while the children are at school, search for another job.

And tell people what happened, you need to get all the support that you can.

Even if you've maxxed out your benefits, you now have one less sponger mouth to feed.

Gather your friends around you and let them be nice to you. And tel him what to do with himself next time he gets in touch.

I dont really have any advice other then do not feel ashamed to tell people.

My dp cheated on me so many times and normally I would not tell people. Or i do but i feel embarressed about it. But this time i have told everyone. One of my very close friends, i told her and said, i didnt want to tell you as have told you the sam story so many times. And she said, dont be silly i'm always here for you.

I have told lots of people and i was surprised to see that no one thinks i'm silly or stupid for trying again with the father of my dd. They think I am a strong woman for dealing with the situation so well.

Sounds like you were so strong last time. And I am sure you will bounce back again and be stronger then last time.... good luck xxxxx

How are things, Alphabetti?