Here goes...
I recently decided to separate from the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.It follows a wonderful honeymoon period that could rival any Hollywood film but which quickly turned into a nightmare. All the things which make being in a relationship a living hell, arguing over stupid things, blaming each other, not having even one day without a war of words.
Even worse, this was my first serious relationship, so being relatively young and inexperienced I foolishly expected we would love, respect or at least be civil to each other for more than a year...
I knew it was the end though when in his eyes I could do no right. When I was upset everyday because of an argument we'd had. When I found myself crying on street,park even a museum because of what he'd said. And I'm normally calm,easy going and hate making a scene and I was horrified at what I'd become.
So I ended it a few months ago, which was the hardest thing I had to do. Yes it was bad sometimes but I knew I would miss the good times (yes, there were some). But I ended it, even though everyday I wonder if I am making the biggest mistake of my life.
He still hasn't accepted it (he says), he's still trying to win me back.Pleading he will change. The thing is, he does not know I have access to mail he sends. Specifically the flirtatious ones to female co workers.
I am not really sure why I'm writing this, only that when I read those emails they are like somebody punching me hard on the stomach. Not do I have to deal with the end of this relationship, I now have to come to terms with the fact that while he maintains I am the love of his live is then so quick to cling on to anyone who will give him the time of day. I feel so alone and actually do not believe I can trust another human being again. :(