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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's breaking my heart...repeatedly

7 replies

OurLastMemory · 15/10/2010 20:10

Here goes...

I recently decided to separate from the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.It follows a wonderful honeymoon period that could rival any Hollywood film but which quickly turned into a nightmare. All the things which make being in a relationship a living hell, arguing over stupid things, blaming each other, not having even one day without a war of words.

Even worse, this was my first serious relationship, so being relatively young and inexperienced I foolishly expected we would love, respect or at least be civil to each other for more than a year...Hmm

I knew it was the end though when in his eyes I could do no right. When I was upset everyday because of an argument we'd had. When I found myself crying on street,park even a museum because of what he'd said. And I'm normally calm,easy going and hate making a scene and I was horrified at what I'd become.

So I ended it a few months ago, which was the hardest thing I had to do. Yes it was bad sometimes but I knew I would miss the good times (yes, there were some). But I ended it, even though everyday I wonder if I am making the biggest mistake of my life.

He still hasn't accepted it (he says), he's still trying to win me back.Pleading he will change. The thing is, he does not know I have access to mail he sends. Specifically the flirtatious ones to female co workers.

I am not really sure why I'm writing this, only that when I read those emails they are like somebody punching me hard on the stomach. Not do I have to deal with the end of this relationship, I now have to come to terms with the fact that while he maintains I am the love of his live is then so quick to cling on to anyone who will give him the time of day. I feel so alone and actually do not believe I can trust another human being again. :(

OP posts:
Dipso · 15/10/2010 20:16

OLM - if that is how you felt, that in his eyes you could do no right, this relationship would never have worked. I am old and hopefully a bit wiser than you, and I wish I'd listened to myself when I was younger.

You are strong and brave and have been true to yourself. Stick with it and know that he was not worthy of you. Grieve the loss and move on, as you are doing.

marantha · 15/10/2010 20:19

Oh I am sorry. Breaking up is distressing. I could say that things will improve in time but I realise that you won't believe it, but they will.
I would say that you should try to be with friends and family but I know that no matter how good they are, they can't help ease the pain. It's awful to feel that way. I do understand and have been there, too.
Anything you can do to distract yourself? Put some music on and dance about or something?

I am sure that there are trustworthy people out there, by the way.

mathanxiety · 15/10/2010 20:43

Pat yourself on the back for ending it. It was the best decision of your life in all probability. And can you step back a little and laugh at the fact that he is making such a complete fool of himself? Plus another pat on the back for keeping on resisting his blandishments and keeping your eye on all those other e-mails..

You had a brush with someone who would have brought you nothing but misery if you hadn't listened to your instincts. The misery now is small potatoes compared to what it might have been -- not much comfort though right now. Sad

If you think his repeated efforts to get in touch with you are causing you pain, insist that it stop, get his number blocked, report e-mails as spam or block them. There's a line between making a fool of yourself and stalking.

garageflower · 15/10/2010 21:06

I have been in your position and am sure I made the right choice in ending it. He spent a long time trying to win me back, unsuccessfully. He has now given up and moved on to a rebound relationship and it has suddenly felt like my heart has broken.

However, it's not broken. It's sad because all that time and effort was for seemingly nothing. But, thank god that you and I made the right choice. It's horrible to think of them with someone else but your life will be better without him. You got out before he ruined the rest of your future.

msboogieHallowqueen · 15/10/2010 23:56

what are you doing reading his emails? that's just pure self indulgent stalkerism.

Get over him and get over yourself and do it bloody quick!

Eurostar · 16/10/2010 00:13

Cut him out of your life. Stop reading his emails! Use this as a learning experience and move on.

mrsfollowill · 16/10/2010 00:31

You will get over him you know. You will look back on this in 20 years time and think "what the fek was I doing?" I know it hurts real bad right now but you will get through it!
I've been in your shoes- You will meet the right guy at some point here are some good ones out there. Please, please don't torture yourself - don't read any emails/text from him, ignore him and get on with your life. Enjoy your life for you Stay strong.

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